I love this quote from Howard Hughes. Somehow it strikes a chord in me, in an unromantic non-cutesy way.
But to remind that passion isn't nice.
Passion isn't anything feisty that can be tamed for you to like or enjoy. It might not bring any enjoyment after all, nevertheless, making it any less compelling.
Truth is, passion is not your bliss. (Neither your bitch.)
It is the willingness to suffer for something (or someone), to risk stability, peace of mind and enjoyment.
Passion is subversive.
It is stepping out of culture, jumping classes, and breaking traditions. It burns you on inside.
It strips you in winter. It picks on your scars and wakes you up at 4am every morning, shivering.
Passion is hellbent. It won't reason or stop. It transforms you.
It alienates you from those who can no longer accept your transformation or understand where the hell you are going.
(Do you know where you are going?)
It knocks you off the path. (It was never your path anyways.)
It makes you start all over again : no job, no friends, uncharted horizons.
It requires you to change when you are so far from ready.
To be passionate is scary, then why bother it at all?
Because passion points you to what you want so much that you're afraid to want it. The ambiguity of hope. The fear of getting. The fear of not getting.
It is the moments that you dreamt your whole life, scares you the most. But then you go out there. You do it..and you are okay.
Passion stands behind you with a mirror. It wants to show who you truly are - good, bad and ugly.
All you need is to turn around and embrace.
Tuesday, December 8
Passion will make you crazy but is there any other way to live?
Tuesday, May 26
Why I love Hackathons, when I am not even a hacker
Survival kit for Hackathon. |
Nothing is more powerful than an idea whose time has come. |
Team Runanas. Photo credits: Nelli |
Get smart people in the team, and then get the hell out of their way. |
From idea to prototype. |
Hackathon aftermath. |
We were slightly disoriented in the sun, thanks to lack of sleep and enough beer. |
Wednesday, December 31
To the self-rescuing princesses
As I watch the snowfall outside the window of my cozy hostel in Istanbul and drink my Çay (Turkish Tea), the fairytales of my childhood runs through my mind.
Have you ever wondered why all fairy tales ended in happily-ever-afters?
Think of the Walt Disney versions. Beautiful, innocent girls suffered at the hands of wicked witches/step mothers and pined for the day their prince charming would arrive, with his dragon-slaying skills and magical kiss. These stories were oh-so-cute with fluff and romance. The more I think about it, the more they seem scary . They taught a girl to be deluded, trusting and passive, rewarded for her looks alone (and maybe a bent for emotional masochism).
What if these tales didn't start this way? What if they were female tales where the heroines were not just pretty victims killing time and waiting to be rescued? Sisters rescued brothers, daughters rescued fathers or lovers.
And when the princess would fall into a deep, enchanted sleep, she would close her eyes and withdraw into some serious Me time. Like a caterpillar turning into a butterfly, in her sleep she will discover her newfound sexuality as she blossoms from girl to woman. The moment she matured (insert, the process of ripening had come to its natural end), she would awake to her prince who was both her reward and symbol of adulthood. (Note: he didn’t actually wake her up himself. He was in the right place at the right time, with a tendency to take all the credit.)
Now, lets take the spotlight off hero's heroics, and put it, instead, on heroine's initiation into higher consciousness Then fairy tales will not be about true love anymore. But instead would be about transformations. They will be about growth in female consciousness that makes love possible.
No growth, no story.
Transformation is truly a painful process, and not just an endless slumber. It involves struggle, suffering, sacrifice and pain : skills must be acquired, lessons learned, experience earned the hard way. And yes, a whole period of wandering in the wilderness - through unknown lands and difficult situations - alone.
You must lose the old life - or get forced out of it - if only you want to come to the life that is awaiting for you.
But then Walt Disney wasn't interested in any of this. His hero battled the dragon and fought the witch for possession of the beautiful virgin. Suddenly a girl could be transformed into a woman with a single kiss. All she had to do is to wait for The One who would bestow it, so that her real life may begin.
And so many of us kept waiting.
But what if the prince is just a metaphor? The moment you fight through painful experience (that's slaying the dragons), when you descend into your personal hell and come back up into light, when you retreat from the world into your cocoon, only to assimilate your truth and grow strong enough to carry it - what if, the prize for all of this, for making it to the other side is not a man on a white horse, with shining armour and a feathered hat on his oversized head, but a more integrated sense of self, and a vision for your future that makes you passionate and come alive?
You learn that you are stronger for the broken places.
But this doesn't happen just once. Such initiation to consciousness comes again and again through a lifetime. Things fall apart, you eat the poisoned apple, you descend once more into dark. You wander alone through some bleak internal landscape until finally you see a crack in the dark clouds - and you turn your face to the sun. You rise to claim your reborn self, spiralling up a little more with every new transformation.
You the look into your prince's face, and discover its your own.
You have opened your eyes.
Thursday, February 6
52 weeks to experiment
When 2014 rolled in and the world went busy making a list of resolutions they will eventually discard in a month or two, I decided to experiment the next 52 weeks ahead. No lists, no maps, no rules. Just saying yes to experiential experiments, and see how life molds itself around me. So yes to rock concerts, building startups, impromptu trips, double chocolate cheesecakes, and great ..... *she leaves that to well-intended interpretations*
The truth of life is - nothing matters. All our lives we are imprisoned in worry, self-doubt, fear and disbelief, while crossing off the checkboxes of society's life plan for us. And before we realize it, we are heading towards the nearest psychiatrist's office and popping anti-depressants.
What if we ditch these checkboxes altogether?
What if we make our own rules?
What if we turn our work and perhaps, our lives into piece of art? Rich and colorful with stories, interesting characters and scenic backdrops, and music that makes you wanna sing with delight.
What would happen if we are truly honest to ourselves and say what we are actually thinking - raw, imperfect, unedited and unfiltered?
Yes its scary to think about, maybe inherently selfish to some. But to be the no-bullshit version of yourself is a challenge to take on. To be the one who is not afraid to take risks, not afraid to tell the truth, giving a damn about others' validation, and most importantly to create for the joy of creating, nothing more.
When I am creating something - whether writing a blog post, or working on my pet project, I have this need to create it like a bad girl. It becomes my right to authentic self-expression, especially when it cuts against the grain of a society that would have me be someone, something else. We are what we make. Our creations show the truth of who we truly
are. And this is a scared dance. This
demands nothing less than everything I’ve got to give it.
What would happen if we pursued being unmistakable instead of wildly successful by external measures?
52 weeks to find answers. 52 weeks to ask more. I do not know what lays ahead for I do not own a map, but have a compass.
And this compass do not point North,
It points to the thing I want the most in the world.