Relationship Status: NA

Ever since Zuckerberg added this to Facebook, FDA got a whole new meaning. I call it the "Facebook Display of Affection" or "Fake Display of Affection". Its the new PDA after all.  Every one I know or had ever known are constantly changing their statuses. The best part was to see someone on my list go from "in a relationship with" to "single" after valentine's day. I know its mean, but I couldn't help ROFLOLing for 5 whole minutes. I mean he could be the Facebook loser, but he caught my attention for 5 mins, and thats EPIC. I mean who in their right mind, wants the world to know that he/she just got dumped. And more importantly, who in their frigging mind cares??

Yes, i did that once but I never could understand the the importance behind being "Facebook official" (thats what the kids call it these days!) I mean once you change it, you get like 100 likes from people who neither knows you nor your beau. Followed by the gazillions questions with when, how, where…and not to forget the oh-so-fake awwww and how cute  ;) :P :D ( that makes you wanna go _I_ eventually). Yes, for a moment you may get elated thinking your 1000 friends on your list are happy that you are seeing someone, or that you met the "one". But in reality, we are just hoping when you are going to break-up soon enough. We are actually waiting and watching (and in most cases praying) when your "in a relationship with…" changes to "its complicated with.." 'coz if your relationship status says "it's complicated", you aren't fooling anyone. Change it to "single". 

To be honest, none of your FB buddies cares about your status change. The exception to this case could be your parents, family, your close friends and that occasional ex(who might be doing the silent laugh at the current dolt in your life). The rest is all fake. I m guilty of liking status changes too, but Facebook etiquette demands it or else you are outcasted as someone cold and non-humane. The only time I truly "like" someone's status was the change from "engaged" to "marriage" transition, 'coz somehow I could hear Freddie Mercury go "Another one bites the dust" instantly in my head. Every single time. Great song, right?

What surprises me the most (not!) is that your update "no longer in a relationship" will win you even more likes, not to mention the attention with another set of gazillion questions with  when, how, where…and not to forget the oh-so-fake awww and i m sorry :( :P :D" (and the occasional virtual pat on the shoulder with - "good job bro" or "good riddance"). its a vicious cycle, and you don't need me to tell you each explanation you give makes the cut even deeper.

Facebook (Fake) Display of Affection in short, creates this emotional orgy with 100s of odd people in your list, with whom you didn't even talk in real life. Does this idea makes you happy or makes you feel icky? If the latter, why make your personal life, public? Why make your life one big circus to those who gives a rat's ass whether you live or die, happy or sad? For those  who matter don't mind, and those who mind don't matter. Those close to you will always know, appreciate and be part of your life, in happiness and sadness, come what may. Then why the whole Facebook tamasha??

Read ME.NOW.

Wasted two hours of my life attending an English class, for I have recently lost the power to write, and thought "hmm, maybe the English could teach me some English"?  If not, at least give me some muse to write.  Why, oh, why do I ever get such fancy ideas?

Honestly, my 5th grade English teacher did a better job in covering everything I listened to today, 15 years back! And I yawned for 2 hours straight going through an IELTS grade 4 lecture, killing myself in the head in 20 different ways for ever thinking that I lost my love to write. Everybody lies, and this was what I lied. If there is anything I could do with utmost satisfaction is that I can pour out my heart and soul on paper (if not to people). Yeah, and I can also picturise most of you right now smirking - She thinks she can write! But baby, haters will always hate, and writers will write. And I may be bad, but I'm perfectly good at it.

But its true I lacked inspiration - to write, crib and scream out loud here. Mostly because the number of sensitive people around me has increased ten-fold, getting offened at the slightest touch of sarcasm or a pinch of harsh reality. Nobody wants to talk about the bad, ugly and the slap-in-the-face kinnda truth. Everybody became that wishy-washy love dreamboat who live in their concocted world with imaginary happy endings. Wake up you fools, you are not who you think you are! You think you are God's that favoritecreation, but trust me you are just that strand of sperm that survived from getting flushed out. So shut up about how life is unfair to you, man up and deal with life. And for sanity's sake, don't flood my facebook homepage with your love problems. I don't give a damn if you dumped or got dumped by someone. Yeah love happens, so does shit. And if you think you can cure cancer by reposting a stupid status, think again. People are dying anyways, with or without your status. So get the hell outta your mind, and my homepage. There are more serious problems in life. Period.

And if you are one of those losers who thinks your life is not going anywhere, it won't ever will. Thats because you sit on your lazy fatass the whole day tweeting about every single pointless event of your wasted life. So you pooped big brown chunks of cereal you ate today for breakfast, big deal. So did my dog. But I don't facebook that fact. Stop wasting your dad's black money on buying blackberrys and iPhone 4S. Instead get high class prostitutes. That way you won't die young with AIDS, and live happily long enough to reap off public money just like your dad did. 

As for the princesses who are waiting for their Prince Charmings, honey, that will never happen. You gonna die an old maid alone in your Never-Never land. The world has only frogs and toads, and Robinhood's 'gay'men ( or was that 'merry'?). Nevermind. And if you do find your PC, grab him by the collar and tell him, rather than discussing it with your gal pals. If he rejects your offer, he is a pussy or you are just fat. Oh c'mon men are flippant, and so are you? Didn't you run after the hottest bod in the block? Either workout on that muffin-top or just your self-esteem. If neither works, learn to kiss as many frogs as possible, yet stick to the best kisser. But calling me a mean bitch, won't help you at this point.

Anyways if you survived the hatred till now, and have succesfully wasted 10 precious minutes of your life reading me depreciate you, and you still think that I can't write, think again bitch. I not only held your attention for 10 whole minutes, but I also faked you in hating me(hopefully!). And thats what writers do the best - create a world for you that can either suffocate  or revive you. So love me or hate me. But I will strike you now and again with my crazy imagination, and even stronger words. On the other hand, I could just be suffering from multiple personality disorder. Professional hazard.  

PS. If you think you want more such stuff on this platform, 'like' it and drive me nuts with your hatred in writing. Otherwise, just wish you never ever met me at all. I am what your mother warned you about. 

Who needs a Hazare when there is a Pandey?

Today I m in a feisty mood. Maybe its from the sugar rush of eating the wet chocolate cake last night. Or maybe its the Pandey factor! The girl has finally stripped for the failing cricket team, and the nation finally has something new to look forward to than watch Arnav blabber night after night on Annadom.  Anna Hazare and Poonam Pandey, are the heroes of the day! Both are relentlessly fighting the autocracy of the Bourgeoise class - one, of the nation and the other, of the cricket world. If one is shedding kilos, and the other is shedding clothes..just to motivate the people of the nation!

Many thanks to Team India for losing their mojo in the English soil, we finally see Miss Pandey coloring the silver lining in nude. Twitterati has gone amok with her posing semi-nude to cheer up our fallen players on the pitch. One look at that pic, and you wilI know she has given a whole new meaning to 'deep mid wicket' . She plans to post more of such delights for every match the team wins. Now thats quite a 'motivational surprise', not just for the 'chosen 11' but for all the men in the entire nation and the world at large. The girl knows her shit well. Who is the donkey now, Mr. Hussain? Will your English ladies ever dare to bare for the team? 

I don't know if our 'Robinhood Pandeys on field' will be able to make magic happen hereafter, but  Miss 'dis-robin Pandey' has surely opened quite few magical doors for herself! Her nymphomaniacal behavior might make it to the Harvard Case Studies (if not Hollywood), wherein it will be studied and discussed with grave brevity, on how it can inspire and eventually lead to greater good(sic!) Who knows, in future she might even give therapeutical "Nude Motivation" classes in A-class corporates, so that the already sleep-derived zombiefied employees are pushed further to yield more results. Her IIM dreams might have fallen flat on her face, but now that she bared and dared to dream beyond the IIMs , she might soon be co-authoring books about her motivational skills with our egg-hatcher guru. 

Long story short, both Anna and Poonam are superstar material. No matter how bizarre their respective Modus operandi is, they truly understands the mob psychology and can make it work for their benefit. 


Can you do a Poonam Pandey or an Anna Hazare for your country?

Tweaking my memories on 'The Blue Mug'

This is a much delayed post, building a home in my blog kittybag for long time. Thanks to work, fatigue, fever, answering emails, packing and re-packing...its been a no fun blog-less journey for sometime!


If colors were to be associated with days of week, my last Saturday was truly blue - first it was the play, The Blue Mug, and  then my turquoise silk dress (more on that later!)


Fair warning, this post will not be my usual onion of criticism or a mud pie of gossipy disapproval of the play The Blue Mug. Mostly because it was an experimental play and due to my inexperience in such theatre, there were bits I didn't understand. But I love live performance art - in any form. Whether it was the German Philharmonic Orchestra I saw long back in Kolkata or Marina Abramović's "The Artist is Present" at MoMA(New York) last year, there is something about live art that strikes a chord in me.


The Blue Mug boasts of big billboard names - Rajat Kapoor, Vinay Pathak, Ranvir Shorey, Sheeba Chadha, Munish Bharadwaj and Shipra Singh. No wonder the tickets sold like 'hot momos'. I was lucky to get two best seats in the house - second row and center, ftw!  Based on Oliver Sacks' essay on case histories of patients who suffer in bizzare situations due to memory loss, the play was a juxtaposition of the memories of all the actors who played themselves. So if your are going there to watch one particular story with a perfect start and ending, forget it! Enjoy the company of the brilliant cast ensemble, their joie de vivre on recounting strange memories and the excellent comic timing. There was such an easy flow to Atul Kumar's direction that it will blur your mind's eye - whether this was staged play or an  au naturel rendezvous of a bunch of old friends. And as the actors connected, their shadows along with the lively background music made sure that this play stays in our memory for a long time.


Speaking of the cast, I will give personal review on each as they made their signature moves intelligently through 75 mins of monologues. 

Lets start with Rajat Kapoor. Until that evening, I was sure I didn't suffer from the Hefner effect, but this "Mahesh uncle" from DCH made me think otherwise.  Standing just few away, he seemed like the 'man-wine' - getting better with age. Something my mom could never understand as she grilled the 'starry-eyed' me afterwards- "Aren't you half his age!?" But despite his jaw-dropping good looks, there was monotony in his script - the sad middle-aged loner reminiscing his past turned out to be a familiar ho-hum affair.  

But let me assure you there was never a dull moment when you have Vinay Pathak on stage. The whole stage lits up to his Falstaffian gusto for life. A natural comic, he did what he always does the best - exhibiting his man-child innocence. His "Dance of the Pervert" with Sheeba was so well played that I laughed till I had tears in my eyes. 

Sheeba, Munish and Shipra are three actors whose respective work I have not witnessed before, and now regret it - 'coz they are absolutely amazing!! Sheeba's artistic expressions and champion monologue delivery left me, mouth agape. Whether it was her monastic chants of 'We are what we forget' or the bottle feeding fetishization of her 13 year old self, she was like a fresh breath of acting. Munish bagged the some of the funniest scenes from the script and he did justice to them. Shipra proved a good substitute to Konkona Sen Sharma, who plays the concerned doctor to Ranvir Shorey's character.


But the showstopper of the evening was Mr. Shorey, and he re-defined the meaning of "versatility" to a whole new level. He outdid himself playing the middle-aged amnesiac with long term memories. In his mind he was stuck to his 21 year old self, and as he connected with the audience with his rustic Punjabi, you can feel his contradictory emotions with the confusion of time. Gave a total bittersweet angle to this play!


I had a great time experiencing and soaking in this excellent journey with the actors. But I was damn disappointed with the crowd. Its a courtesy that one gives standing ovation at the end of such brilliant act, but the city's crowd thought it to be otherwise. This was something I realized after standing all alone and clapping my heart out, only to be joined a little later by few hesitant audiences. No wonder the actors got pissed (I am sure!) and they didn't come out during the requested encore. And I didn't get a chance to meet them after the play. *sob, sob*


But being a terminally optimist, I just couldn't let that dampen my mood for the evening. I glamed up for the play in my new silk dress, something I did last year when I went for a Broadway show. Yes, I do have my "super-girly doll up" phases and I indulge in them shamelessly.  They totally compliment the hours I have religiously put in the gym everyday, besides being a good break from my usual casual-formal attire(sic!). 


Overall, this whole episode is sure to last as I connected with the play at some point and few narratives did tweak my memory to exclaim, "Ah that happened to me!"

My perfect breakup and sexy rebound

It started when I was 13 and ended at 25.
Just like any other teen romance that eventually ends when you reach adulthood, I finally closed the Harry Potter chapter of my life. Thank God its over! The characters of the series I grew up with, progressively grew darker and more complex. The movies were the ultimate testimonial  to the once stark moral universe of Harry Potter turning eventually into something increasingly shady with prickly, very confusing questions of good and bad. I m glad Rowling put an to this madness. 

But then, I know I will miss waiting for the new HP book every summer; the anticipation of whats going to happen next, the trivia, or simply comparing whether the movies matched up to my imagination. Crazy is, and always will be, the human heart! When its difficult to stay, its also the hardest to leave. And as the set of Hogwarts started falling apart during the final battle scene, an eerie silence took over the audience. And I felt what they were all feeling. This is the last time when we all shall come together as the connoisseurs, fans, or just dreamers of the Wizarding World of Harry Potter. This modern classic gave us something more profound than just a fantasy world. It has let us immerse ourselves in a world of grave danger and relentless evil that is make-believe enough not to bleed into our own messed up Muggle reality. As an adult fan, it was a breathless, compulsive reading, and enthralling cinematic journey for me. And like any other Potter fan, I know that the Master Spell caster(J K Rowling) gave us the full possession of our own power of imagination.

Adieu, my decade old love of magic and spells!
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But every heart (and gut) wrenching breakup needs a great rebound. Zoya Akhtar's Spain odyssey was a tease to the wanderlust in me. Within hours, I was transported from the depressing set of Hogwarts, to the La Tomatina festival in Valencia. Beauty of watching movies back2back! Zindagi Na Milegi Dobara slipped me into the adventure mode, to let things go and let gravity do the rest. Each frame of the movie was charged with high levels of testosterone, friendly banter, romance and the exotic Spain(somebody teach me the Flamenco!). Yes, this is another road movie revolving around 3 men, but this is no Dil Chahta Hain. The movie is more like a poem on reel with all its profound elements. There was the perfect rhythm among the characters fighting their insecurities, fear, letting go of emotional baggage and being free finally. The cast ensemble was brilliant and transitions each of the 3 protagonists goes through, added the iambic meters to this poetry.

Farhan Akhtar did bag most of the witty and pacy dialogues of the movie, but after sometime his "Bagwati" jokes kindda grates the nerves. Hritik looked surprisingly comfortable with his extremely restrained yet lovable character, who had a not-so-surprising transformation(the usual girl effect - brooding bad boy turns Peter-Panish). As for Abhay Deol, nevermind. KJo should cast him in Dostana 2. The Kaif chick was at her best, less scenes and minimal talking. Never liked her so much! And Kalki definitely deserved the "Chudail" alert.

Carlos Catalan's cinematography and Shankar-Ehsaan-Loy's music played a brilliant intonation to the movie's poetical rendition. The songs are hummable and Javed Akhtar's profound lyrics is mind blowing. Its an absolute pleasure to listen to the soulful Toh Zinda Ho Tum. My heart feels richer and my soul feels lighter than before. 


But the real hero to me is the script and the positive messages it showcased. This might be no "game-changing" movie but it deals with some of the serious emotional issues faced by the Gen Y. We all seem so burdened and haunted by the ghosts of our pasts, that we have forgotten whats its like to be free and live each moment. In the movie, one of the characters comments on how everything in life is already written. I think its a scary as well as reassuring thought at the same time. Scary because no matter how hard you try, you can't change your fate - shit, gore, happiness, sorrow - everything is included. But its also reassuring to know that there are actually no surprises in life. Everything is planned, we just don't know yet.

Another important aspect of this movie is on how we actually need to get scared while facing our repressed fears and unresolved conflicts. Because being scared lets you know that you are onto something important. I mean, if you are not scared, you are not taking a chance..and if you are not taking a chance, then what the hell you are doing??

Finally I got published!

Hello blogdosts! Few weeks back I got this surprising email stating that #somewonderfulpeople read my blog and liked it. And they wanted me to be the Guest Columnist in theviewspaper.net. Never have I written anywhere before (besides this sacred space), and little did I knew what would come next.

Ah, the beauty of virgin column writing -- its frustrating to the core! And for the first time I could sympathize with men and their "performance anxiety" fear(maybe for completely different situation but feelings are all the same) - will they like it? will they hate it? did i come on too strong? or was it a phus-phus attempt? did i make any grammatical mistake? were my analogies good enough? were the past writers much better than me? why do they even like my writing 'coz I m sweating my pants off!!

Mind you, sentences don't come easy, especially when you need them the most. Its a frustrating, sad and disappointing journey till you get them right. To battle with each sentence, twist it in different ways and then finally strike them off mercilessly, has been quite a masochistic writing journey. If the Trash folder was turning out to be my new bestfriend, I was being a great torturer for my #bffontheothersideoftheinternet. Everytime I had a "cool idea" I badgered him to listen to me. A quid pro quo for solving all most of his life's problems.

Whether its while crunching data at work or after waking up to a nightmare, the absolute truth is, I get pleasure in my struggle with words. Just like Dravid does everytime he hits through the line.

And without further delay, blogdosts, I give you my Virgin Column.

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Ladies and gentlemen, we’re now ready to start boarding the flight

After spending doggone hours in the transit, these words are like music to my ears. Waiting is no fun; especially when you are in desperate need of rest or just travelling alone at all weird hours of the day. But such experiences can often manifest into various reflections of life.
I love being in an airport, and enjoy the thrill of travel and change that comes with it. Each is unique in itself, buzzing with life and creating a pseudo-reality within its walls. One can witness the vortex of human existence right there. Thousands of lives cross paths everyday, sharing nothing in common but, the air they breathe in and the floor they walk on. The place becomes quite a reminder, that despite our differences, we are not alone in our journeys. Life is synonymous with the airport, and the various flights we take mark the transitions in our respective lives.

It all starts when we reach the airport. We wheel our bags to the airline ticket counter, show our ID to the agent, pass through the security, check the flights chart and then proceed towards the departure gate. We expect the flight to take off on time and fly without incident to its destination. But if there is bad weather, a breakdown in communications, a breach in the security or any other eventuality that might affect our journey, we are normally more than upset.

Similarly, as long as our businesses, our jobs, our studies or our relationships etc. are up and running, wwe pay minimum attention to them and expect everything to just work. But things do go wrong in life. And just like malfunctioned airplanes can’t complete their journeys, we too will not reach our destinations or goals when important aspects of our lives are malfunctioning. It is only then we realize the importance of balancing work and life.
The airport also provides the most interesting backdrops for someone who enjoys observing people and imagining their life stories. It is amusing to watch travelers, specially an hour and half before their flight. That’s when they are naturally vulnerable, open and exposed - the nervous chatter of the first timer, the relaxed gait of the vacationer, or the bored expression of the frequent traveler.
And if you enjoy interacting with people from different walks of life, airports give great opportunities. For a few hours, your paths will cross but once, so why miss this chance on knowing someone in a personal way? Learn people, and you will be surprised to find yourself in the crowd. If you listen to that hum, you can hear individual voices. And if you listen more closely, you may even hear yourself.
Of course, the idea of flying thousands of miles away from everything familiar might make your insides clench. But all you need is some faith in the first step – boarding the plane. The rest comes easy, as incredible experiences await you!

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Bloggingly yours,

T-F-L
Fun-sized creative package.