Monday, March 30

Calling out to the universe...

The moment I saw The Secret, I seriously didn't believe a word. It sounded too good to be true. I mean you ask the universe, and it gives you your heart's desires. Then I thought a little more. Scarily funny, it happened with me. 6 years ago, I was a dosa-idli loving kid. 'coz I could eat those delicacies at restaurant. Then I made a terrible wish. Since then I am stuck in a place where I get to eat them daily. Daily to the point of making me pukesville. My once "love" has now turned to bad case of taste allergy. So much for a wishful wish! 

Shit! I am talking about food again! I guess I fancy food like a fat tub of lard

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Monday, March 23

..What the hell was I thinking? I have gone righty tighty!lefty! loosey! for quite sometime. Spluttered my blog with wasted thoughts. Shit I have gone soft!So I am bracing myself up for the 'comeback' from hell. Thanks Kshitij for passing on the torch. The marathon has just begun.

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Wednesday, March 18

Side effects of Loveria

I don't understand why the couples break-up so frequently. I mean if they have zero tolerance level, why even commit in the first place. Kindly refer to The Revolutionary Road if you are so duh-huh at this.But recently I got a completely new perspective on this whole issue.

One newly single guy said that he broke-up 'coz he kindda got bored.Apparently the girl loved him way too much. I was totally 'WTF!!' when I heard it. But behind the wtfness I found the truth. Being regular at male bashing, I have always blamed the guys who broke my friends' hearts. Now when I recall those situations, I see something else. The fault lies with the girls too.These fluffy-little-walking-hearts loves and cares too much. So the moment they became dedicated-ly "available", their guys whole hearted-ly got bored. Call me cynical morbid bitch, but fellas thats the truth. And my dear girlies, better accept it sooner, before someone else does trapeze with your heart again. Taking things for granted is a selfish human nature embedded in our genes. And this seems to be more prominent with organisms having high testosterone levels. 

My heartbroken friends have often recounted their "burning paradise" stories. But somehow they fail to see the cause and the symptoms of the imminent fallout. You see, when this Ishq-Visk happens, the stakes get really high in terms of expectations."I expect you to do this and that,sacrifice this and that, in return for my selfless love". (Well, I am expecting many war-cries at this juncture to prove me wrong with the sanctimony of "Love demands Nothing".) Unfortunately, its the girl who usually initiates this blunder. This is shortly followed by the even deadlier "Commit to me" phase. No doubt the guy chokes in love.I don't blame him. I just blame the girl for being a total angel in loving an A**hole in the guise of a man! 

Now that the guy feels trapped, he goes helter-skelter. Sadly his lady love fails to notice.But like the third umpire, I too saw when love got bowled out. So,for the sake of damage-control, just look out for these tell-tale signs. His love for you is losing its life-blood, if you find that, most of the time, he behaves in the following ways:

1. He no longer makes time to spend with you on a weekly/daily basis.

2. He prefers to go out with his friends than take you out. 

3. He is easily annoyed by things that never bothered him in the past.

4. He finds it difficult to tell you that he loves you.

5. He constantly talks about how fat/boring/nagging you are.

6. He talks you down.

7. He has started being dissatisfied with things you do for him.

8. He suddenly gets very busy so that he will have less time to spend with you.

9. He has stopped doing you any favors.

10. He has told you that perhaps both of you should slow things down a bit.

11. He encourages you to go out and have fun without him.

12. He forgets your birthdays/anniversaries and makes no effort to buy you gifts.

13. He laughs out loud when he talks to his friends or family members, and never laughs out loud with you.

14. He flirts openly with other women in your presence.

15. He has started comparing you to other women in terms of how you should look or behave.

16. He has started lying about where he has been and who he's been with.
(Incase there are more signs, please feel free to add.) 

BTW, these signs are not applicable if you are in love with a guy who is terminally sarcastic, a compulsive liar, or simply brain dead. There is no cure for that itch. Its applicable only for your Mr. NiceGuy-turned-HellBoy. But at the end of the day, its upto you. If you believe that its worth making few changes to save your relationship, go for it! Otherwise, leave the guy immediately, get overdosed on chocolate and say it out loud, "Yeh nahi toh koi aur sahi". I know its easier said than done. But I am no love atheist and I believe that there are few good men still left.

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Sunday, March 1

Recession hits Tongue-fu too!

One of my Gtalk buddies has this status message:

No more status msgs to show: India has really gone into recession

I was totally rofloled over this. Every corner we walk into today, all we hear is Recession. Its this huge monster slowly eating up the planet. The other day my mom called up to say how bad the hospital business is going on. Apparently people have stopped falling sick due to Recession

I do get the impact of recession, but lately things are going way too over the head. At this rate I won't be surprised if a newborn's first words are "Raa-Saa-Shaan" rather than "Mama Dada.." Oh even better, what if a baby refuses to come outta mother's womb crying "Whaa! Mommy, not now...after recession only"( That comic strip is just conjuring up in my mind starring The Recession Baby.)

No doubt the Recession Plague is mostly affecting the great minds . Politicians like B S Yeddyurappa , Muthalik and Co. making an ass outta themselves with their Return to the Dark Age schemes, filmakers making the worst films ever, the cricket team is losing( well, they lose every now n then..but thats a different issue altogether), not to mention the new panga with H-1B Visa (Poor westward looking Indian fellas now have to look inwards...classic case of Recession hitting the Brain Drain) and obviously topping the list are the Indian IT companies. Even the 54th Idea Filmfare Awards last night showed signs of the Great Depression. The Vadde Khans were replaced by the Bacchas of Industry. I missed their wicked humor and it depressed  me..alot!

But look at the brighter side, everyone is singing the same note. World leaders are chanting the same mantra: Deglobalization! to save their socio-political-college degrees stuffed-asses. And also its fun to see when their well-orchestrated decisions go down the drain, and all they come up with, "Sorry, I screwed up!' It getting fantabulous every second.

Now whether the Woody Allens, the Richard Linklaters, and the Madhu Bhandarkars are making movies on this Period or not, I will definitely tell my kids and grandkids the Great Depression story starring the brave Tongue-fu hero, who is now going to enjoy her Choco-Nut Cookie listening to Vivaldi...Gnite!

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