Sunday, March 1

Recession hits Tongue-fu too!

One of my Gtalk buddies has this status message:

No more status msgs to show: India has really gone into recession

I was totally rofloled over this. Every corner we walk into today, all we hear is Recession. Its this huge monster slowly eating up the planet. The other day my mom called up to say how bad the hospital business is going on. Apparently people have stopped falling sick due to Recession

I do get the impact of recession, but lately things are going way too over the head. At this rate I won't be surprised if a newborn's first words are "Raa-Saa-Shaan" rather than "Mama Dada.." Oh even better, what if a baby refuses to come outta mother's womb crying "Whaa! Mommy, not now...after recession only"( That comic strip is just conjuring up in my mind starring The Recession Baby.)

No doubt the Recession Plague is mostly affecting the great minds . Politicians like B S Yeddyurappa , Muthalik and Co. making an ass outta themselves with their Return to the Dark Age schemes, filmakers making the worst films ever, the cricket team is losing( well, they lose every now n then..but thats a different issue altogether), not to mention the new panga with H-1B Visa (Poor westward looking Indian fellas now have to look inwards...classic case of Recession hitting the Brain Drain) and obviously topping the list are the Indian IT companies. Even the 54th Idea Filmfare Awards last night showed signs of the Great Depression. The Vadde Khans were replaced by the Bacchas of Industry. I missed their wicked humor and it depressed  me..alot!

But look at the brighter side, everyone is singing the same note. World leaders are chanting the same mantra: Deglobalization! to save their socio-political-college degrees stuffed-asses. And also its fun to see when their well-orchestrated decisions go down the drain, and all they come up with, "Sorry, I screwed up!' It getting fantabulous every second.

Now whether the Woody Allens, the Richard Linklaters, and the Madhu Bhandarkars are making movies on this Period or not, I will definitely tell my kids and grandkids the Great Depression story starring the brave Tongue-fu hero, who is now going to enjoy her Choco-Nut Cookie listening to Vivaldi...Gnite!

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3 homies speak!:

Aniket said...

Yeah, even my grandma knows the word recession now! :-D And my firm fired 450 ppl from the office a couple of weeks back. Sadly, A couple of my close friends of mine had to part ways. Dunno when the movies are going to be made, but enough is being said, written and drawn about it.

PS: The Recession Baby is a great idea... go for it! :P

Tongue-fu Lady said...

Sure Aniket, m working on that character ;)

Aniket said...

An interesting forward, (in case you havent read already):


Heidi is the proprietor of a bar somewhere in Europe. In order to increase sales, she decides to allow her loyal customers - most of whom are unemployed alcoholics - to drink now but pay later. She keeps track of the drinks consumed on a ledger (thereby granting the customers loans).

Word gets around and as a result increasing numbers of customers flood into Heidi's bar.

Taking advantage of her customers' freedom from immediate payment constraints, Heidi increases her prices for wine and beer, the most-consumed beverages. Her sales volume increases massively.

A young and dynamic customer service consultant at the local bank recognizes these customer debts as valuable future assets and increases Heidi's borrowing limit.

He sees no reason for undue concern since he has the debts of the alcoholics as collateral.

At the bank's corporate headquarters, expert bankers transform these customer assets into DRINKBONDS, ALKBONDS and PUKEBONDS. These securities are then traded on markets worldwide. No one really understands what these abbreviations mean and how the securities are guaranteed. Nevertheless, as their prices continuously climb, the securities become top-selling items.

One day, although the prices are still climbing, a risk manager (subsequently of course fired due his negativity) of the bank decides that slowly the time has come to demand payment of the debts incurred by the drinkers at Heidi's bar.

However they cannot pay back the debts.

Heidi cannot fulfill her loan obligations and claims bankruptcy.

DRINKBOND and ALKBOND drop in price by 95 %. PUKEBOND performs better, stabilizing in price after dropping by 80 %.

The suppliers of Heidi's bar, having granted her generous payment due dates and having invested in the securities are faced with a new situation. Her wine supplier claims bankruptcy, her beer supplier is taken over by a competitor.

The bank is saved by the Government following dramatic round-the-clock consultations by leaders from the governing political parties.

The funds required for this purpose are obtained by a tax levied on the non-drinkers.

Finally an explanation I understand ...

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