Wednesday, January 11

Read ME.NOW.

Wasted two hours of my life attending an English class, for I have recently lost the power to write, and thought "hmm, maybe the English could teach me some English"?  If not, at least give me some muse to write.  Why, oh, why do I ever get such fancy ideas?

Honestly, my 5th grade English teacher did a better job in covering everything I listened to today, 15 years back! And I yawned for 2 hours straight going through an IELTS grade 4 lecture, killing myself in the head in 20 different ways for ever thinking that I lost my love to write. Everybody lies, and this was what I lied. If there is anything I could do with utmost satisfaction is that I can pour out my heart and soul on paper (if not to people). Yeah, and I can also picturise most of you right now smirking - She thinks she can write! But baby, haters will always hate, and writers will write. And I may be bad, but I'm perfectly good at it.

But its true I lacked inspiration - to write, crib and scream out loud here. Mostly because the number of sensitive people around me has increased ten-fold, getting offened at the slightest touch of sarcasm or a pinch of harsh reality. Nobody wants to talk about the bad, ugly and the slap-in-the-face kinnda truth. Everybody became that wishy-washy love dreamboat who live in their concocted world with imaginary happy endings. Wake up you fools, you are not who you think you are! You think you are God's that favoritecreation, but trust me you are just that strand of sperm that survived from getting flushed out. So shut up about how life is unfair to you, man up and deal with life. And for sanity's sake, don't flood my facebook homepage with your love problems. I don't give a damn if you dumped or got dumped by someone. Yeah love happens, so does shit. And if you think you can cure cancer by reposting a stupid status, think again. People are dying anyways, with or without your status. So get the hell outta your mind, and my homepage. There are more serious problems in life. Period.

And if you are one of those losers who thinks your life is not going anywhere, it won't ever will. Thats because you sit on your lazy fatass the whole day tweeting about every single pointless event of your wasted life. So you pooped big brown chunks of cereal you ate today for breakfast, big deal. So did my dog. But I don't facebook that fact. Stop wasting your dad's black money on buying blackberrys and iPhone 4S. Instead get high class prostitutes. That way you won't die young with AIDS, and live happily long enough to reap off public money just like your dad did. 

As for the princesses who are waiting for their Prince Charmings, honey, that will never happen. You gonna die an old maid alone in your Never-Never land. The world has only frogs and toads, and Robinhood's 'gay'men ( or was that 'merry'?). Nevermind. And if you do find your PC, grab him by the collar and tell him, rather than discussing it with your gal pals. If he rejects your offer, he is a pussy or you are just fat. Oh c'mon men are flippant, and so are you? Didn't you run after the hottest bod in the block? Either workout on that muffin-top or just your self-esteem. If neither works, learn to kiss as many frogs as possible, yet stick to the best kisser. But calling me a mean bitch, won't help you at this point.

Anyways if you survived the hatred till now, and have succesfully wasted 10 precious minutes of your life reading me depreciate you, and you still think that I can't write, think again bitch. I not only held your attention for 10 whole minutes, but I also faked you in hating me(hopefully!). And thats what writers do the best - create a world for you that can either suffocate  or revive you. So love me or hate me. But I will strike you now and again with my crazy imagination, and even stronger words. On the other hand, I could just be suffering from multiple personality disorder. Professional hazard.  

PS. If you think you want more such stuff on this platform, 'like' it and drive me nuts with your hatred in writing. Otherwise, just wish you never ever met me at all. I am what your mother warned you about. 

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7 homies speak!:

phatichar said...

It's really that simple. It feels out of the world to see your post after this long. :)

(I haven't even read the post completely...)

2nd comment later..

phatichar said...

2nd comment

Kick ass comeback, if there ever was one!

Absolutely dig the new 'style'. :P

Keep at it, girl!

Raj said...

IELTS grade 4 lecture.

details on ielts please. i know what it is. u tell me how to crack it.
on maybe just enlighten me on whatever u know?

pretty please?

and if u cant write, its probably cuz u r exhausted. give it a rest. when the time will come, u l write. i wrote at two in the night wrestling against my dog for the one pen i had managed to find that he wanted to bite and chew.

and no u didnt have my attention for 10 mins. i read between the lines. but thats where i am faulty. not u. :P

Aniket Thakkar said...

"Yeah love happens, so does shit." <-- Priceless!

Looks like you've finally mastered the Tongue-Fu. :) I went through a similar phase and had two choices -

1. To quit FB for good
b. Aggressive reduction in the so-called friend list.

I gave latter a shot cause it still leaves me option 1 as last resort. This is what I posted:

"If you are not able to see this post, I've probably removed you from my friend list for one of the following reasons:
1. I have to think for more than 10 min to remember when was the last time we had a meaningful conversation.
2. I have to think for more than 5 min to remember when was the last time we had any conversation at all.
3. I think that you don't give a damn if I live or die.
4. I think, I don't give a damn if you live or die.
5. We had just added each other coz we shared school/college and I can't even put a face to your name till I see your pic, or I realize I didn't like you much in school/college and you have done nothing to change my mind.
6. All the feelings I get from seeing your pics is what is she doing with him, or what are you doing with him and I feel its not worth my net-time.

If you landed up on one or more of these categories, sorry to have removed you from the friend list. Its not you, its me. I just want to talk to the people I care about a little more and not miss their updates. Its nothing business, its personal. Thank you for your co-operation. I'm sure somewhere in contours of my mind, you'll be remembered for the good times we might have shared."

Since I haven't been in the game much to have deeply missed your writing, it was missed none-the-less. :)

anon said...

I don't know if I have told you this before but I seriously think you should consider writing professionally. You are one of the few people who can get your ideas across, while keeping the readers interested.

sumitra said...

Why, oh why do you not write more often?? I totally loved this post. I'm so sick too of people who keep crying and complaining about things instead of actually doing something about it! You told them off nice, girl!

Tongue-fu Lady said...

thank you, its encouragement like this makes TFL always come back! :)

@Raj: hahaha, google will give you better info on IELTS

Hello! great to see your comment after so long. Welcome back and thank you :) and hats off to that tongue-in-the-cheek FB status!!

Since you are "anonymous" its difficult to know if we had this conversation before. But thanks much!

its the same question that troubles my mind everynight - why dont i write more often? time, my friend, is an elusive mistress ;)

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