2012 : Happy Endings

‎"If you want a happy ending, that depends, of course, on where you stop your story."  - Orson Welles

Crack open the champagne! The world didn't end as predicted and a new year has arrived! Time to start  a new cycle of your ongoing awesomeness. For me it came with these four attributes - 

a) be insanely happy, even when you are sad

b) never be scared of the challenges life throws your way

c) be brave, and take risks.

d) stop looking for validation, it makes us weak

The rest comes easy. 

So in my last blog post for 2012, I am going to talk about them and all that jazz.  Shit happens, sabki life mein... but does that mean we should stop being happy? Nahin na. If this year did not go as you expected, and now that you are sad and possibly feeling lonely, just pause a moment. Rewind. Go back to your happiest memory, whenever wherever or whoever it was with. How happy you look! If life gave you such a moment in the past, life will definitely bring you more such moments in the future. Happiness is relative state of mind, just because we don't feel it now, doesn't mean we will never feel it again. The trick is very simple : Ask and you shall receive. When, where and how will that happen? Don't ask me or anyone else (not even your family astrologer), just let life come to you and unfold the joy it has in store for you.

After all, life has many ways of testing a person's will - either by nothing happen at all, or by having everything happen all at once. I bet we all have have faced such situations.  One moment you are at the top of the world, and the next moment your entire world starts crumbling down. But this is the test of life. When you least expect it, life gives us a new challenge to test our courage and willingness to change. I have asked myself many times as to why we need to go through such test/challenge is given. The only answer I ever got was to prove that we are worthy enough for the good times that soon follow. As ironical as it could get, without the bad times we are incapable of truly appreciating the good times in our lives. 

And what we usually perceive to be "bad things happening to us" could be actually good stuff, only momentarily hidden. Often, its the fear of the unknown makes us fudge-brained to clearly see the truth. Whatever it is kid, if its still in your mind, its worth taking a risk! (Not talking about life threatening red-bull event stunts here.)  Rather fall 7 times and get up 8 times, than do nothing at all. Because one day you will wake up and there won't be any time left to do things you always wanted. The choice is always ours. Obstacles will always be there. We can either knock them down and go for what our crazy heart wants, or we give up at the sight of trouble. There is no right way to this. Its purely your free will to choose what is right for you. But to believe that our life is controlled by fate, is the world's biggest lie.

Now you may ask what gives me the authority to razzle-dazzle you with all the above fundas. I am neither a writer nor am I a life-coach. What I am, is another human who felt what most of you have gone through. Often my friends think I lead a life that makes me pleased as the Sunday punch. But its not true. There were times when I have hold myself tight and cried till I could cry no more. But there were also times when I laughed so hard that I couldn't stand anymore. Both at the extremes, but both makes me a human and I am not ashamed to admit them. When I look back at 2012, I don't think I have any regrets. Yes, I made mistakes and had disappointments along the way, but I would not have done it any other way. What I did at that time, for that place, I did the best with what my instincts provided me. Regret comes only when we look around for validation from the other people. Might sound foolish to many, I have often given into the Woody Allen “the-heart-wants-what-the-heart-wants”. Of course that take me endless hours of "interfrention", self debate and oodles of bad mood, to actually learn from these experiences. But I would rather crash-and-burn in the process of feeding my soul, than live my whole life in denial. Honestly, I want to approach life like a fine meal -- with relish, great anticipation, and a discriminating palate to make it a perfect experience overall.

So come 2013, I am more hopeful than ever before for the exciting future that lies ahead. Infact I feel like Bilbo Baggins running through the fields of the Shire, shouting - "I'm going on an adventure!"

So peopleee--push the envelope this year, raise your bar and go for the biggest stakes that your loyal heart can fathom. Have an adventurous 2013!

Maa, I bow to thee

The festivities of Durga Puja has officially started. For the Shaktas like myself, this is the time of the year when we bow to the Divine Feminine power, Shakti - the source of all creation, and the energy that animates and governs it. 

But today its more than that for me. Today, I celebrate the birth of my first pillar of strength, the source of my creation - my mother. Happy Birthday, Ma! You are my embodiment of strength and dynamism. You not only gave your flesh and blood, but also passed on the strong life force to each one of your kids. Your presence in our lives has helped us face all the good and bad times, with equal vigor and zest for life. Your compassion for the needy and those in trouble, amazes me on how much you have sacrificed for the sake of others happiness. I doubt if I can ever be that selfless!

Your positive attitude towards life, I think, has always helped  me believe in the best, even when everything around me is falling apart. My friends think I am a strong person to move past any bad situation in life, but this is what they don't know - I have a mother who tells me 'no matter what happens, I am always there for you'. Honestly, thats all anyone needs to get through the bad times.

But the most important thing you taught me is to love - love with an open heart, with no expectations or  any motives. Now this may look as a sign of weakness for many, but as I am going through different life experiences, I feel this is more of a unique strength. Not many can do it, many even don't find it in their lifetime. But you have taught me otherwise. You have shown me that loving someone is not enough - you need to fight for it, strive for it, insist upon it, and sometimes even walk the extra mile. For this life lesson, I am forever grateful to you. 

And even though Papa is doing a great job today in making your birthday a special one (fyi, he always does.), I miss being there and celebrating your fabulous 54th. You look beautiful with each passing year, surprising everyone around you with your beauty, love and wisdom. I wish you many more such years ahead, and I am glad to have such a role model in my life. I love you Ma! On behalf of the whole family, I wish you a happy and beautiful year ahead, Mommy or resident Lataji, as everyone in the family calls you lovingly for your amazing voice!.

A moment too perfect

As I scribble this post down, I am soaking in the late afternoon sun while enjoying a glass of Schorle and listening to "Spiem in Alium" in the background. If this wasn't perfect enough, let me add that my desk faces this amazing Hamburg forest view. I must say, living in the 9th floor has its own perks!

Life has been good lately and I am so grateful with the recent turn of events. I have come to believe that these small incidents of my life will eventually transform into larger-than-life events. Small joys of life, I say. Like the little 2 hour hike I did today morning. The forest near Triftstraße attracted me from the moment I saw it yesterday. Its deep, dark and so inviting. And I surrendered myself to nature finally.

I grew up in a city surrounded my lush forests and hills. Thanks to my dad, me and my brother grew up hiking through these forest trails. Wonderful hiking memories about my dad making stories about the forest as we walked around exploring the place. Robbers, pirates, dinosaurs and sometimes even aliens walked the same paths as we did. Oh what a wonderful way to ignite a child's vivid imagination!  As I was hiking today through this forest, all these old memories came rushing to me all at once. A moment too perfect, and it was all mine to savour. Of course I didn't have my two favorite men beside me today, but the company of Beethoven and Mozart wasn't bad either. And before I knew it, I was walking for around 2 hours and not even half of the forest was covered. But then I have a year ahead of me in this place -  to explore, enjoy and get pampered by nature.

And to my surprise and delight there is a horse riding club at the edge of the forest - guess its time I finally explore another long lost interest of mine! I now officially open myself to all possibilities life has to offer. I have come to believe that letting life come to you, and then surrendering to it can make our lives a collection of perfect memories - even if its bad at times, transition will always happen. This is something I learnt from the current transitional phase which has moved me from a negative problematic phase to a positive serene phase. I am not qualified enough to speak about Heaven and Hell, but there are times I feel that somewhere and somehow I do have some kind of guardian angel, always watching over me and helping me through difficult life situations. And at this point of my life I feel lucky and blessed to be able to experience the small joys of life. I am not sure, dear reader, if you can truly get what I want to say but maybe the following few lines of Rumi might help - 

"In every moment, in every event of your life, the Beloved is whispering to you exactly what you need to hear and know. Who can ever explain this miracle? It simply is. Listen and you will discover it every passing moment. Listen, and your whole life will become a conversation in thought and act between you and Him, directly, wordlessly, now and always." 

So I raise my glass now and drink to a wonderful year ahead with nature, exploring and more interesting activities, but most importantly to a moment too perfect.

Dependable deutschland

My next post in this blog was suppose be on my 10 month experience of Scotland. Unfortunately i got robbed of my laptop, jewellery and whatever cash i had on me, just three days after i landed in Germany. My draft with a good collection of pictures enriched in my memories were lost. Now i m stuck to blog from my mobile . Hence bear with my terse blogposts for next few days, which i believe should be frequent but  short ones.

Now back to my first week experience here. If i could define one word for Germany it would be dependable. Everything here runs on schedule...even nature. After spending considerable time in moody Scottish weather its a relief to be in a place where the weather predictions actually work..and honestly its nice to see the sun after so long.

But dependable deutschland is only because of the people here. I have been here only for a week and you may think its too early to be sure of their dependability,but so far i have  not been let down. Lets start with where i m working. My boss and my colleagues have been really nice and supportive . I wasn't expecting so much of support and concern from their part after the robbery . But I am honestly surprised and happy that I am amidst people who takes care of their employees. The work culture is amazing as well. We all sit in this one big  space with separate desks and not cubicles. The whole openness brings in positive vibes   and it makes you want to spend time there longer. But the fact that everyone makes a round in the morning greeting 'Guten morgen' to each other amazes me the most. Now that brings in a sense of belongingness in the workplace, and that is something I have always sought after.

But its not just people at my job who extended me a helping hand. My professor from my German university even expressed his concerns and if he could help me in any way. My German language teacher whom i met just 3 days ago even offered to find me a computer that I can use. Now that is something I never expected because I hardly know her. If that was not enough my landlady offered her daughter's laptop to me so that I can use it until I can buy 1 on my own. to be honest I'm truly overwhelmed by the german hospitality, and I am glad that I met these people, despite the small unfortunate incident.

Tomorrow I explore the city, but more on that later.  Tchuss!

Cupid or OkCupid?

Everyone everywhere is waiting to fall in love, desperately. Most of us hate to admit it, but we all are  dreaming and running after our "happily ever after"s. However, the modern singletons are an impatient bunch, and the good news is, finding true love no longer involves scouring bars/nightclubs, meeting friends of friends, or just asking your mom to find someone for you. All you need is a computer and high-speed internet, for this is the age of OkCupid, and the avalanche of similar online dating sites. I never knew such reliable services existed until few months ago when a friend mentioned how convenient it was to meet "interesting" people that way. But how reliable is online dating? 

Maybe I have trust issues. Or maybe, its just my old-fashioned heart that still believes in meeting by chance, and not by algorithm. But I do understand that many people have reaped the benefits of such services. Of course with demanding jobs and fast paced lives, hardly anyone has the time and patience to meet someone without the help of technology. After all these websites promise to match them with a calculated and acceptable percentage of compatibility. Only when thats done, will these singletons put some time and effort in speaking to the "suitable" strangers via email for a period of time, which might eventually exhilarate and heighten intimacy and trust between them. So even before they meet in real world, they already feel a bond and connection. And if there is no connection when they meet, well, at least its one meal they don't have to eat alone.

What intrigues me is that these websites offer every sexual whim and steamy internet rendezvous that follows, all based on questionnaires, profile pictures and personal info. Of course despite the obvious pitfalls (people faking their identity, cheaters, liars and losers to name a few), I am sure its a sure-shot confident boosters for those with dwindling social lives and appalling insecurities. And definitely short term fun time for the rest. But mostly I feel this is nothing short of one mass orgy. Some people like it and some don't, but I shall reserve my opinions on orgies for now. 

A friend of mine who indulges in online dating occasionally often laments how the women he meets in bars are either aggressive in making sure they 'get a man' or are plain stand-offish, which for him are complete turn-offs. Hence he wonders if meeting a "nice girl" online is his only alternative left. After all one's social life gets narrowed down when all the girl friends are taken, and the male friends are either married or doomed to a life of lone wolves. Singledom can be hard, not only because it can get lonely at times, but one can also get one envious by seeing others in love. I am no relationship expert, but I find myself in this juxtaposition that maybe nowadays the only way people can actually build a rapport is via their fingers. When online, its easy to come up with seemingly witty responses as you have time to think,  pick few anecdotes from Google, and even bring up any ubiquitous yet titillating subject matter without any apprehensions or fearing any rejection. 

Still not convinced? Then maybe you can Google up  thousands of saccharine sweet testimonials regarding online speed dating. If you think you define someone based on a set of questions, followed by a bevy of emails/chats, I say go for it! Of course I still don't believe that one can fall in love online, maybe its just lust. I think the conversation should be the hook, not the sinker. What do you guys think?

Miles to go before I sleep

Waiting makes me reflect - especially waiting for a visa to arrive, 'coz that generally means travelling to a new place and starting all over again. And strangely enough, I enjoy relocating myself every now and then. The familiarity of unfamiliar surroundings comforts me. It has become part of me and I couldn't agree more with Alan Alda's words - "You have to leave the city of your comfort and go into the wilderness of your intuition. What you'll discover will be wonderful. What you'll discover is yourself." 

I left my city of comfort so long ago that I don't know if I will ever be comfortable there again. Travelling has changed me. I can't be any less dramatic, but the day I stepped out of my house to travel on my own I knew that this was a one-way road. I can only move ahead, and see the world to my heart's content. And there is no stopping to that. And that definitely scares my mom, if not anyone else. Like every other parents, my folks did want me to settle down at some point. But now they have given up on the nomad of their daughter. And I am glad they finally understood that I am a free-spirit that belonged not to one region but to the world. I choose to defy conventions and live life as I feel should be lived. Call me impulsive if u want, but we live only once. How many chances will we ever get?

I must have popped the travel pill long back when I spent hours staring at the Atlas my dad gave me. And I happily admit to have succumbed to that addiction, and become a total junkie. I have found myself in the delirious world of self-discovery, thriving friendships and an unquenchable craving to have some more. Life has become one big rave party, with no need to end in rehab. The realization that my dreams are limitless and that life can be more than a planned box of rules, is very liberating. Maybe thats what happens when you live in William Wallace's land for more than 9 months - 'Freedom' is what you perceive!

I consider myself very lucky. Not because I have drop-dead gorgeous looks, nor was I born with silver spoon in my mouth. I am lucky for the people I have met in my life. Many came and went, few stayed..and in whatever way they touched my life, they showed me something new. Earlier I used to assume that everyone thinks and feels like me, and that made me quite judgmental. But when  I met people who saw the world a little differently, caused an immediate shift. It made me realize that the world is a big place, and everyone's different. Every place I went taught me something new - history, culture, human relations, but mostly importantly about me. 


Travelling has helped me get rid of my inhibitions too.  Now I can happily talk to random people, and what I realized is that no matter where you go people love to be heard. You hear their stories and then you share some of yours. And the writer in me loves picking up on little stories here and there - the old couple I met in Dusseldorf airport told me how he (A Brit) fell in love with his Spanish wife without speaking a common language, or the retired marine at Paris CDG sharing his travel plans with his son in Australia. My experience so far has been like a book of world short stories, and its one heck of a page turner!


The road is life. I have been living a nomad's life for last 10 years covering 12 cities, 2 countries and now preparing for my 3rd. I am excited about it, and plan to fill-up my current passport in the next 4-5 years. Whats next? Naturally to keep travelling, making friends and sharing more stories. Travelling, for me,  is not running away from reality. But its my quest of finding what I believe in, and the path I wish to follow.

Everything or nothing

These two words joined together gives my most powerful mantra for life. You either go for everything or nothing at all. But then why is it so difficult for people to admit what they want in their lives? Why should we be shy about our own dreams and desires? Is it the fear of failure or the fear of being laughed at by others that hinders us from being what we can become? I often wonder.

I meet people everyday, who can do wonders in their lives only if they realize their potential.  I think they are mostly scared to admit their extreme potential. 'coz when u know who you are and what you can do, you are immediately alienated from the rest of the crowd. The fact that you are different from others makes you their eye sores. Ironically, these haters can be different too and live up to their potential. But they don't. Instead, they huddle together and gossip about what an effing pain in the ass you have become. 

I have come to believe and now, can openly admit that I can achieve whatever I set my heart to. You may call it a pompous-self-glorified declaration, but for me this is the power of my intention.  Of course I have had my share of failures, but I have tuned myself over the years to find opportunities out of these setbacks. Yes, sometimes it takes time and frustrates me, but I get my heart's desire in the end. I strongly believe in the power of attraction. We get what we attract. Its a very scary truth. I have personally come in contact with people who always claim how unlucky they are and how unfair life is to them. And surprisingly, shit happens to them, all the time.

Now getting back to achieving your heart's desire, you have need to be positive - sometimes terminally positive even when the whole world is against you. There is no middle-path of believing in yourself - Its you, and only you who can do the magic!  Whether you believe it or not, everything up to this point in your life that has or has not happened to you is because of the choices you have made. Of course, we can always blame the fate for it. But the truth is,  fate too is a part of your choice. Because you believe that luck always favors you, you have directed every single molecule of your body, sub-consciously, to act or behave like a winner in life. And without your knowledge you become that charismatic person, who not only attracts other people but also attracts good things in life.

So go ahead, and grab onto your happiness. Go for everything you dream of getting in this life. If you don't go to the extreme, you'd only be doing an universal injustice to yourself. So, pour your heart completely into your cause and make it effect you and everything you believe your world should be about. 

If others can, why can't you??

Relationship Status: NA

Ever since Zuckerberg added this to Facebook, FDA got a whole new meaning. I call it the "Facebook Display of Affection" or "Fake Display of Affection". Its the new PDA after all.  Every one I know or had ever known are constantly changing their statuses. The best part was to see someone on my list go from "in a relationship with" to "single" after valentine's day. I know its mean, but I couldn't help ROFLOLing for 5 whole minutes. I mean he could be the Facebook loser, but he caught my attention for 5 mins, and thats EPIC. I mean who in their right mind, wants the world to know that he/she just got dumped. And more importantly, who in their frigging mind cares??

Yes, i did that once but I never could understand the the importance behind being "Facebook official" (thats what the kids call it these days!) I mean once you change it, you get like 100 likes from people who neither knows you nor your beau. Followed by the gazillions questions with when, how, where…and not to forget the oh-so-fake awwww and how cute  ;) :P :D ( that makes you wanna go _I_ eventually). Yes, for a moment you may get elated thinking your 1000 friends on your list are happy that you are seeing someone, or that you met the "one". But in reality, we are just hoping when you are going to break-up soon enough. We are actually waiting and watching (and in most cases praying) when your "in a relationship with…" changes to "its complicated with.." 'coz if your relationship status says "it's complicated", you aren't fooling anyone. Change it to "single". 

To be honest, none of your FB buddies cares about your status change. The exception to this case could be your parents, family, your close friends and that occasional ex(who might be doing the silent laugh at the current dolt in your life). The rest is all fake. I m guilty of liking status changes too, but Facebook etiquette demands it or else you are outcasted as someone cold and non-humane. The only time I truly "like" someone's status was the change from "engaged" to "marriage" transition, 'coz somehow I could hear Freddie Mercury go "Another one bites the dust" instantly in my head. Every single time. Great song, right?

What surprises me the most (not!) is that your update "no longer in a relationship" will win you even more likes, not to mention the attention with another set of gazillion questions with  when, how, where…and not to forget the oh-so-fake awww and i m sorry :( :P :D" (and the occasional virtual pat on the shoulder with - "good job bro" or "good riddance"). its a vicious cycle, and you don't need me to tell you each explanation you give makes the cut even deeper.

Facebook (Fake) Display of Affection in short, creates this emotional orgy with 100s of odd people in your list, with whom you didn't even talk in real life. Does this idea makes you happy or makes you feel icky? If the latter, why make your personal life, public? Why make your life one big circus to those who gives a rat's ass whether you live or die, happy or sad? For those  who matter don't mind, and those who mind don't matter. Those close to you will always know, appreciate and be part of your life, in happiness and sadness, come what may. Then why the whole Facebook tamasha??

Read ME.NOW.

Wasted two hours of my life attending an English class, for I have recently lost the power to write, and thought "hmm, maybe the English could teach me some English"?  If not, at least give me some muse to write.  Why, oh, why do I ever get such fancy ideas?

Honestly, my 5th grade English teacher did a better job in covering everything I listened to today, 15 years back! And I yawned for 2 hours straight going through an IELTS grade 4 lecture, killing myself in the head in 20 different ways for ever thinking that I lost my love to write. Everybody lies, and this was what I lied. If there is anything I could do with utmost satisfaction is that I can pour out my heart and soul on paper (if not to people). Yeah, and I can also picturise most of you right now smirking - She thinks she can write! But baby, haters will always hate, and writers will write. And I may be bad, but I'm perfectly good at it.

But its true I lacked inspiration - to write, crib and scream out loud here. Mostly because the number of sensitive people around me has increased ten-fold, getting offened at the slightest touch of sarcasm or a pinch of harsh reality. Nobody wants to talk about the bad, ugly and the slap-in-the-face kinnda truth. Everybody became that wishy-washy love dreamboat who live in their concocted world with imaginary happy endings. Wake up you fools, you are not who you think you are! You think you are God's that favoritecreation, but trust me you are just that strand of sperm that survived from getting flushed out. So shut up about how life is unfair to you, man up and deal with life. And for sanity's sake, don't flood my facebook homepage with your love problems. I don't give a damn if you dumped or got dumped by someone. Yeah love happens, so does shit. And if you think you can cure cancer by reposting a stupid status, think again. People are dying anyways, with or without your status. So get the hell outta your mind, and my homepage. There are more serious problems in life. Period.

And if you are one of those losers who thinks your life is not going anywhere, it won't ever will. Thats because you sit on your lazy fatass the whole day tweeting about every single pointless event of your wasted life. So you pooped big brown chunks of cereal you ate today for breakfast, big deal. So did my dog. But I don't facebook that fact. Stop wasting your dad's black money on buying blackberrys and iPhone 4S. Instead get high class prostitutes. That way you won't die young with AIDS, and live happily long enough to reap off public money just like your dad did. 

As for the princesses who are waiting for their Prince Charmings, honey, that will never happen. You gonna die an old maid alone in your Never-Never land. The world has only frogs and toads, and Robinhood's 'gay'men ( or was that 'merry'?). Nevermind. And if you do find your PC, grab him by the collar and tell him, rather than discussing it with your gal pals. If he rejects your offer, he is a pussy or you are just fat. Oh c'mon men are flippant, and so are you? Didn't you run after the hottest bod in the block? Either workout on that muffin-top or just your self-esteem. If neither works, learn to kiss as many frogs as possible, yet stick to the best kisser. But calling me a mean bitch, won't help you at this point.

Anyways if you survived the hatred till now, and have succesfully wasted 10 precious minutes of your life reading me depreciate you, and you still think that I can't write, think again bitch. I not only held your attention for 10 whole minutes, but I also faked you in hating me(hopefully!). And thats what writers do the best - create a world for you that can either suffocate  or revive you. So love me or hate me. But I will strike you now and again with my crazy imagination, and even stronger words. On the other hand, I could just be suffering from multiple personality disorder. Professional hazard.  

PS. If you think you want more such stuff on this platform, 'like' it and drive me nuts with your hatred in writing. Otherwise, just wish you never ever met me at all. I am what your mother warned you about.