It take 3(idiots) to tango!

Yes..I am too bitten by the Idiotmania! (Maina ko Mania ho gaya..hehehe) As Sid says, "What an end to the year!" No doubt, kudos to Mr. Aamir Perfectionist Khan and the cast, but I would like to thank two two other guys who made it happen.

Director Rajkumar Hirani for one. The man drove the nation frenzy with "Jaddu ki Jhappi"(Magical hug) earlier and now "All izz well". True, Aamir co-directed "3 idiots", but thanks to Hiranisaab for taking this project. Seriously, Amritsar se Amrica hil gaya!(oops, SRK don't kill me) . I mean who comes out with philosophy like, Jab Life Ho Out of Control, Dil Pe Haath Rakh Ke Bol All Iz Well...(when life goes out of control, put your hand on your heart and say, All is well) . We Indians are very emotional people, and the director did a good job in touching our hearts with some of the best one-liners in the movie. I mean where in world, can you make the entire audience cheer, clap and sing in a movie? Its was definitely the Veni Vidi Vici moment for the entire cast of 3 idiots. Yes, a great end to 2009.

Last but not the least, I like to thank Chetan Bhagat, the mind who conspired and then inspired the creation of 3 idiots. If 5 point someone didn't happen, Bollywood would not have witnessed this Idiotmania. Apparently, the writer was not happy 'coz they didn't mention his name in the movie credits. Agreed, the movie was not a complete adaptation of the book but the storyline was somewhat borrowed. It was really unfair not to mention his name. It was his brainchild afterall. Chetan, koi nai..your fans acknowledge your sheer genius.

With this, I will take a bow and thank Bollywood for giving the nation a reason to laugh, cry,sing and dance together thereby somewhat creating a diversion from the depressing anti-elements news around. India, tussi great ho... for everything!

This being my last post for the year 2009, I would also like to thank all my blog homies for reading my blog and giving their valuable comments. I have/had a great time knowing y'all. Hope "All izz well" with you guys and Have a Rocking 2010! =)

Follow you into the dark

He pulled the car into the driveway. She ran down the stairs to let him in.

It will be alright. Breathe.Now, smile. And it did radiate the room as she opened the door.

...I knew it will be alright, that drop of sun never fails... And he smiled back.

"Happy Anniversary, honey!"

"Happy Anniversary, love. Wow! that was quite a hug. Is it like my last?"

Yes baby. "C'mon, can't a wife hug her husband without being questioned?"

"Sorry my bad..You look beautiful."

"Well, thank you. So how was your day?"

"It was bloody hectic, now that Christmas is around the corner. The boss is making us take extra shifts."

"Well you can always tell your boss that you married his daughter. And you need to be at home early."

"...so that my colleagues make fun of me?"

"C'mon, they are simply jealous. After all, you got the boss's daughter. Not them."

"We will see."

"Hey why don't you take a shower, while I heat the dinner?"

"Nah, I am good. Lemme help you set the table-candles,music and wine, what say?

"Still wooing your wife after 5 years of marriage?"

" A man's gotta do what he gotta do to make his wife happy."

She laughed as she walked into the kitchen.

Few minutes later.

"Come.Dinner is served. "

"Hmm..it smells good."

"Trust me, it tastes even better. I used your mom's recipe."

"Did I say how amazing you are?I love you."

"I love you too."

"5 years, eh? Never thought I would get so lucky."

"Why don't you start eating before the food gets cold? We can sweet talk after that."

"Ummm...this is delicious. You sure its just my mom's recipe? Nothing extra?"

"Well it has my secret ingredient-Love."

"Cheers to that! Do you like the wine?"

"Its fantastic. Much better than the '99 vintage. Hey whats wrong?"

"My hand has gone numb."

"You ok?"

"My heart aches. Call the ambulance."

She smiles. "Not so soon, sweetheart."

"What have you done?"

"2 years. 2 bloody years you have been maintaining a secret bank account. When were you planning to leave me?" She sipped some more wine.

"Please call the ambulance. The money was for our future, for you and the kids."

"Don't you lie anymore! Ah! my heart..did you?" The glass slips from her hand.

"Your drink was poisoned too."

Suddenly they both bursts into fits of wild laughter.

"How did we get so good?"

"I am surprised that it still works after 5 years."

"Never thought we would kill each other the same way."

"It like you snatched the thoughts outta my mind."

"The same way you always took words from my lips."

"I love you. See you in another life, honey."

"I love you too. GoodBye for now."

Somewhere in the room, the music player starts playing...

"Love of mine some day you will die

But I'll be close behind

I'll follow you into the dark

No blinding light or tunnels to gates of white

Just our hands clasped so tight

Waiting for the hint of a spark

If Heaven and Hell decide

That they both are satisfied

Illuminate the NOs on their vacancy signs

If there's no one beside you

When your soul embarks

Then I'll follow you into the dark..."

What happens when you OD on someone?

...its equally bad as when you OD on drugs. Helen Fisher tells you why . So is there actually a cupid or some kind of Magic, or just plain biology gone astray?

Last night I had a revelation
Somehow I have to make you pay
It's all about manipulation
And what it takes to get my way
I don't believe in soft solutions
No one makes a fool of me
Without receiving retribution
No one hurts me and goes free

I'll play on your fears, I'll leave you in tears
You'll never be the same, my friend
You're walking a line, it's a matter of time
You'll never rest easy again

I've got the power to bring you down

I've heard it said, to err is human
It's forgiveness that's divine
I thought about forgiving you, but
I want revenge, I want what's mine
I think it's time to settle scores now
It's time to set the record straight
You'll know it's coming, you won't know how
Or when, you'll have to watch and wait

I'll play on your fears, I'll leave you in tears
You'll never be the same, my friend
You're walking a line, it's a matter of time
You'll never rest easy again

I've got the power to bring you down

You know, it feels intoxicating
To be intimidating
It's invigorating
To see you shaking

I've got the power to bring you down

You know something, you see it coming,
You know I will stop at nothing.”

You know you have too many guy friends when...

1. You've spend many Saturday afternoons playing basketball in the sun instead of getting a pedicure or a manicure.

2. You never understand why girls maintain long nails.

3. Going to a spa or a beauty parlor seems to be a waste of time.

4.Never understood why there are so many types of dresses when jeans and tee are the best thing ever happened.

5.You have spend some rainy morning playing soccer in the muddy field with your buddies.

6.You think SAW VI is the coolest movie of the year.

7.You openly admit that you have seen porn when the girls you know, pretend they haven't and consider it to be a sin. And you NEVER question why guys like girl-on-girl action.

8.You enjoy fart jokes and laugh out loud at sex jokes, when girls think its inappropriate.

9.You know more swear words than your brother and can win any trivia on swearing!

10.You call everyone "Dude!", "Man","Maccha" etc. and mostly call your dad "Boss".

11.You hate flowers especially rose.

12. Love songs are a complete no-no. You'd rather listen to Led Zepp, Maiden, Aerosmith, Ozzy Osbourne,Slayer.

13. You prefer headbanging in a rock concert to waltzing.

14.You spend your childhood collecting Trump cards rather than collecting Barbies.

15. You looked like a boy in your teenage years.

16.You love your music loud.

17. You preferred Hardy boys to Nancy Drew.

18. You believe the movies Godfather and Fightclub have the answers to all your life problems.

19.Your mother questions your sexuality when she finds 3/4th of your phone list are guys and you are dating none.

20.You prefer martial arts class to piano lessons.

21.You hate romantic chick-flicks and probably slept off in the first 10 mins of Casablanca.

22.Nothing disgusting disgusts you anymore, 'coz you have seen, heard and discussed them all with your buddies.

23.You love Manga so much that you almost created few.

24.You spent your childhood climbing trees, walls or fences and scraping your knees eventually.

25.Everything is a game for you.

26.You believe riding a bike, bungee jumping, skydiving, rock climbing are the important stuff in life.

27.You despise soap operas and rather watch a comedy or a thriller.

28.You never understood the "Aww.." moments.

29.You hate soft toys and find it weird that some girls likes to sleep with them.

30.Pink is a disgusting color, black is cool.

31. You are allergic to the flowery over sweetened perfumes girls wear.

32.You wish you were on Fast and Furious or 300.

33. You talk loud and have a boisterous laugh.

34.You hate Chihuahuas and prefer a Labrador/Bulldog as a pet.

35.You practised WWE moves on your younger brother.

36.Your mother begged you not to buy anymore sneakers and try something more feminine for a change.

37.You don't understand why some girls watch the calories they eat.

38.You find it weird that girls complain not understanding guys-they are the simplest creatures of all, "What-you-see-is-what-you-get " is their motto.

39. You are someone with the extremes-either you "love" or "hate" something, there are no in-betweens.

40.You are selfish,rude,impractical and the most commitment-phobic girl ever known.

41.You can never date a guy without doubting his motives, 'coz your over-protective buddies have warned you way too much.

P.S. I feel lucky to have met all my guy friends and I have shared some of the great moments of my life with them. And I still believe being friends with guys is less complicated than with a girl!

Essential plot twists for bloggers

The moment I start blogging a short fiction, the first thing that strikes me is The Plot..a solid one. I guess the same goes for my fellow homies who write some of the best short-yet-exciting stories. Here are some good tips for that great story you type out next time(But do I hear a, "These are the stories I would like 2 read."instead)
~So long, keep writing...love T-F-L

I did it my way

Revolution Renaissance did justify my blog with their song, not to mention the awesome video of Kungfu-Panda I found, showcasing my favorite animated character of all time, Tigress. Its one character I can relate to very well.

Look at me
Do you see all the things
I want you, you to see?
You're telling me
Sure I know you so well?
But you just act when you are
Back against the wall

What is true, what is fake?
Everything that you make
Or you take, it's plain to see
Image wise, you're okay
But is there anything
Inside of you?

Hear me say:

I don't wanna do the things you say
I don't wanna play the game you play
I just wanna be myself
And walk the road without pretending
I just wanna live my life, be true
So many things there are that I will do
When I'm looking back the road
At least I can say: I did it my way

There you are once again telling
Me how the things all should be
And that I care far too much about
My art, 'cause you know they
Will never understand

I am me, I cannot be
What I'm not, I am real and I feel
But you can never stop, you forgot
'Cause no one's gonna tell
Me what to do

Why do single guys don't mingle?

This seems to be a very serious issue with many of my guy friends and also, my baby brother(well he is 17, but still a kid for me!) Now this post is not about the so called oversexed-players or the 'chadmachine's or the wanna-be 'Joey Tribbaini's, who says no-no to commitment. They are the idiot savants in matters of romance.

Here I am talking about the cute, shy single guys. I have met alot of them. You must have tagged them as the typical geeks or nerds in your class/workplace. But dear girlies, you may just not realize that these shy soft spoken creatures may have deep deep crush on you, whilst you were busy chasing the "bull". But then who is to be blamed? They hardly speak, and you don't realize they actually exist!

In my attempt to train my brother to talk to girls in general, and his CRUSH in particular, I have just told him one thing. Go and talk. The first line, no doubt, is the hardest but still go ahead and talk. I understand that guys have this incurable fear of rejection. What will she think of me? What if her friends make fun of me? What if I say something wrong? What if she knows how I feel about her? So on and so forth. But guys, the truth is, we don't judge you the whole time. Some of us find it difficult to start a conversation. Unlike some chatty girl like me, who can talk any crap, anytime, with anyone, majority of the girls have this kindda inhibition. So dear men take a deep breath, be brave and just talk. Who knows she may even like your goofy jokes. After all, we are also humans with limitations.(We may not show it, but we know it ;) ) And we are definitely not some praying mantis ready to bite your head off!

Now your opening lines may not be outta Mr. Cassanova's handbook(Trust me, weirdest lines make the longest impression ;) ) But don't say something totally weird and disgusting either, to get tagged as the weirdo or the crackhead. There is always the very trusty "hi" or "hello", followed by "how was your day" etc. And of course, her likes and dislikes are always there to talk about.(I am sure you must have done a total background check by now. Thats really a creepy thought though.) Now hold on to your horses, I am not trying to make you sound gay. But then,if you are not much into flirting, make sure you don't try to sound too cheesy. It simply sucks.

Also, you really don't have to be that uber-cool dude your crush is actually crushing on. Just be yourself. It works 98 percent of the time.Quoting my favorite Audioslave song:

"Someone finds salvation in everyone, another only pain
Someone tries to hide himself, down inside himself he prays
Someone swears his true love until the end of time
Another runs away, separate or united, healthy or insane

And to be yourself is all that you can do,yeah."

Last but not the least, if your feelings don't get reciprocated please don't get disheartened. I know its easier said than done. But who said love comes easy. And thats definitely the end of the world.You can go two ways now. Either stick to your guns and pursue your lady love, or go find another hobby! After all, aaj Pooja toh kal dooja. Life is too short and too important to cry over one person,baby! But then that doesn't mean you don't ever take that first step to know her. 'coz sometimes, to find diamonds you need to crawl through the entire desert. All the best!

P.S. Please feel free to add on something extra. Its always a pleasure to learn more, after all I am no certified Love-Guru.

A week that was!!

So I survived my first week in US of A. Not that it was difficult. I mean I am from INDIA, we live there by chance(thousands of diseases, occasional peek-a-bo0 from neighbouring terrorists bhais all set to blow us up, natural calamities, yada yada). Hence we can survive anywhere! =)

My first week in Philly is "mixed-emotions". Its frustrating to get lost on my way to Drexel on a sunny morning, but its equally fun to discover a new place around the wrong corner. Whats more, people are really friendly. I know its hard to believe that they are the same Americans who can detain SRK 'coz of the KHAN in his name. I am sorry but he is my favorite and so I am still a bit shocked!

Anyways back to discovering Philly. There is so much happening here. Nothing big but small joys in life. My people at work are really great. Alex been really patient as I make mistakes while doing the Compression tests. And Aaron showed how a half a million dollar SEM works! Its brilliant. Lunchtime is really fun. Trying out from the various lunch trucks is quite handful. But my first experience with Cheese Steak wasn't that great. I just felt a bit weird 'coz I found beef taste weird! Speaking of food, American lunch proportions are quite huge. So agrees my Spanish and French friends. None of us could finish the whole lunch.

Also the food is kindda bland and always mayo laden. So then I had to try my hand in cooking, its more like my very own spicy retreat! My cooking skills were always quite questionable, but now I actually enjoy making my dinner. Nothing lavish, but I love this ritual. I knew I would inherit those genes from Papa :P And I am proud that I haven't burnt the place down with my newly discovered culinary skills!

Oh, and I am really excited to meet Prof. Barsoum tomorrow. Finally I get to meet the person who made this research possible for me. And I hope I get my Dragon card and a desk tomorrow. I better sign off now, coz I see my bowl of icecream is slowly turning into chocolate milkshake. See ya homies..soon!

Traveling riverside(rather, airway) blues!

My 22 hours of flight from Mumbai to Philadelphia couldn't have been more eventful. Lets start with who sits next to me. Well if last time it was old and farty men, this time it upgraded to babies.CRYING BABIES. Before I start off, lemme tell you I am not a baby hater. But this time, things have changed, atleast for now. Not only they( read, babies) cry throughout the whole flight, they even manage 2 puke on the person sitting beside. No matter how much I love those "cute little things", I just can't be happy about getting myself puked on! Lemme be more precise about my "journey". I know you may doze off in the middle of this post, but I NEED TO LET IT OUT. (Btw, you will notice many CAPS in this post. Go figure why!)

PART 1:Mumbai-Paris ~ Osama on board

Okay, my French sucks. All I can manage are the formal courtesies. So when this cute air host says I got a good French accent in replying to his customary "Bonjour!", I, for some reason(read, stupid reason) thought its gonna be a good journey. But the I was wrong. Comes a mother with her baby and two other kids. And right behind my seat, another family with noisy kids. And of the kid was called Osama. I did 180 turn just to see the kid with that name. I am not kidding, but that Osama did have fiery eyes and his expression was nothing, but anger. This is pure coincidence but it did creep me out. Anyways, the baby beside me started off wailing at the take off. And there I was thinking, well its just for now, maybe he will sleep off after some time. Wrong! It simply went on from loud to louder and finally to loudest. And the worst part, the mother was clueless. Everytime I was about to sleep or watch a movie, the wailing just gets louder. Even a bottle of red wine didn't help me to sleep(I wish I had my bottle of Grillinctus cough syrup with me!). But Led Zepp and Jimi Hendrix did help later on to shut out the noise.( Kudos to Air France's music collection). So by the time I landed Paris, I was a drunk and sleep-deprived zombie. If I had a camera, I would have posted my pic here.

PART 2:Paris 2 Philly~ The French stain

If last time it was one crying baby, this time it got doubled up. Some great sadist UP ABOVE was laughing His at his work. This cute little girl baby right beside me was all smiling during the take-off. I too was smiling, thinking that flight will be my personal "Stairway to Heaven". And I dozed off only to wake few minutes later to the sound of wailing. The baby beside the smilin baby starts crying. Smiling baby starts crying too and leans enough to puke something white n gooey on me! What happened next was a blurry of incidents: me fuming, the two babies having crying competition throughout the flight, the French guy on my other side tearing his hair apart with that noise.

So when the Customs officer asked me how I was doing...all I could answer " Tired". But then I was "Dazed and Confused" too. I still haven't slept and its been more than 30 hours. And my sweater smells of puke. I would continue further, but my head is doing a cha-cha-cha now. GTG!

Why I "almost" got fired?

Well I have been working as a non-paid trainee in my parents' firm for past few weeks. Parents expectations are always high, and when you are working for them, it shoots off the ceiling! So finally I gathered up my courage and went to my boss(err, dad) to demand my paycheck. I thought a passive-aggressive approach would work out.(And I was damn wrong!) . So I write him something that I read long time ago somewhere(heights of vagueness!). It goes like this:

"When I take a long time, I am slow.

When my boss takes a long time, he is thorough.

When I don’t do it, I am lazy.

When my boss doesn’t do it, he’s too busy.

When I do it without being told, I’m trying to be smart.

When my boss does the same, that is initiative.

When I please my boss, that’s brown nosing.

When my boss pleases his boss, that’s co-operating.

When I do good, my boss never remembers.

When I do wrong, he never forgets."

And so pay me or I will be my own BOSS.

Here I was expecting a paycheck at this point. But then he gave me an offer I couldn't refuse. Resign from the trainee position, be your own boss and find your own place to live. Or, continue the training till you get your senses back. These Indian parents are crazy! They always catch your bluff. And so I am back to being a cubist again!

Right to live and love

A twist in a colonial law opens many a fate. Delhi HC's ruling on Section 377 has finally (atleast by law) liberated my country India and her gay children. For justice is blind and cannot discriminate on the basis of one's sexual orientation. Hence, consensual sex involving two adults of the same sex can no longer be a criminal offence. There is no reason for the hetero India to get paranoid. The ruling is only paving a way for this sexual minority to lead a normal and open life, at the same time get equal legal protection. Justice for all...isn't that whats law is all about??

The extent to which the government will support this is quite questionable. It will definitely be a political suicide, but atleast, we will (proudly) acknowledge the ruling party has balls to accept reality. Already the self-appointed guardians of Hindutwa, BJP is vehemently opposing it. Gay sex is immoral and unnatural and Indian society does not approve of it, they say. Sadly majority of the public still agrees with them reasoning that its against Indian "culture". But is it worth having such a culture where few live a life of lies and in the shadows of shame, just because of their plain "biological oreintations"?? THINK INDIA.THINK. Here I would like to add something that my cousin told me about gay-ism and ancient India. In his words:

"the shastras celebrate same-sex pairs, like co-mothers, rivers or friends. (but minors experimenting with same sex was punished with lashes but that was because losing virginity was said to reduce thechance of marriage) Agni, to whom most of the hymns of the Rig Veda are dedicated, is born of lesbian mothers. Some King of the Matsya Purana was turned by Shiva into a woman who then married the son of the moon. Mughal rulers openly accepted gay love. Scientifically everyone (can you handle the truth) at the very basic level is a female and male hormones are present in both males and females. super males & females are real abnormalities and you don't even want to know about that. What cause all the difference is the Hormones & Brain Wiring. So it boils down to your social morality, prejudice and plain fear of the unfamiliar."

Hence being gay is not a disease. And its one thing you have no control over. Ya you can hide it and live a life full of lies, but thats entirely your choice. If you ask me, its more of an ability. Your different choice doesn't make you a freak or a weirdo, you are just different than the rest of us. In plain english, you are unique. On a funnier note, the bis are damn lucky. They get the best of both the worlds. So walk with your head held high. And for the rest of you who are overwhelmed by "GAY SEX" and think its a western influence, kindly re-arrange your thoughts.

You may think that the country is swept off by the West Winds in a wrong way, in matters of homosexual liberation. But isn't it also true that this influence has made people more open and aware? Ignorance is no longer a bliss if you want to survive this age. Its time we actually learn to embrace and accept people and situations as they are. True, you just can't shake off your generations-old conservative beliefs in a day, but atleast make an effort to educate the public and raise public awareness about sexual minorities. It may be done in small steps but atleast towards the right direction.

For, love knows no boundaries, no sexual orientations either.

Who moved my Boards??

So finally an attempt to revive the long-dead education system of India. Jai Ho! CBSE. One country, one education system. But will this reform bring "equality in education" in a severely diverse country like ours? Specially a country, neck deep with self-pitied citizens, who believe their "caste" will make their lives easy. Are we finally getting a fair arena of competition where talent comes forth social standings? If yes, its time for some cool revolution, baby!

But its a tricky road ahead, marinated with 'netagiri'. Many of the rural votes will be at stake after all. If you must know, the government funded schools in rural India are run by petty thieves, who entitle themselves as "teachers". This class of rats live entirely for the steady monthly salary, and definitely not for educating young minds. Their level of knowledge is pathetic and imparting even that bare minimum turns out to be a Herculean task for them. So I hope when our reverend and wise lawmakers passed the law of one education board, they are visionary enough to understand the fact that educating these pathetic "educators" will take another decade to come at par to the CBSE level.For that, they have to visit every school in every nook and corner of the country. You think they can do it?

Next comes the question on removing the 10th boards examination. Now I call it as "Half-baked" funda from the West. I mean their whole education system is flexible, maybe a little bit too flexible (no wonder, Obama is crying out loud!).The students can choose their own course,can jump classes if they are advanced for it and yada yada. None of which is easy to implement in the grass root level of our education system. Every state has their own education board where most of the time the medium of education is their regional language. Do you understand the difficulty of undoing what they have learnt and then re-learn everything again? Let alone the students but also the teacher.

Definitely most of the kinks of our auto-pilot education system (like, parrot-reading methods, extreme grading system etc.) will be smoothened out, but whether the true objective will be reached? Its still questionable.

An apology

Hello guys! I know its been really long sinceI wrote something..I am so sorry. Call it a lame excuse, but past few weeks I am going through a total body shock- the paid torture called" gym"! Yeah, before this I thought working out was fun. I mean, I was doing it on my own albeit without a trainer. A lil' bit of cardio and weights was no bigga deal. But now, with a super serious instructor who not only sticks with the usual weights, but also yoga and aerobics, things are kindda jittery for me. Plus, when a foodie's diet narrows down to all non-spicy and well-balanced healthy food, the torture heightens. I m even planning to entitle him as "jallad"(read, aamir khan inspired) :P

But then, this shock is all temporary. I won't quit writing for sure. In Rab ne's style "Never fear, T-F-L is here" ;) (cant help quoting SRK, unnecessarily though!)Soon the body will get adjusted to the all-new diet and disciplined routine. Hopefully, I will also come up with better and improved version of fictions. Btw guys, I have been following your work, I see great changes and I like it. Will join you folks soon! Bye!

Head or Tale

"The police found it in the trunk of her car.Neatly wrapped inside a wooden box."

"Did she claim it was hers?Or did they force her to?"

"She admitted it was her husband's gift to her on their first anniversary."

"But, isn't it foolish to keep it there? That proves her guilty of murder."

"She seemed too calm to feel sorry for what she did."

"Then why not dispose it like the rest of the body?"

"She said it was like a souvenir. It was his intelligence that always attracted her. Sadly, it also made her destroy him."

"Thats really creepy. Why would a wife ever do such horrible thing?"

"Strange are the workings of a woman's mind. I hope you won't do that if I cheat on you, right?"

"Evan, its not funny. And why the hell are you laughing?!?!"

Before she fainted...

"You bastard! How can you do this to me?"

"I didn't do anything. You are thinking too much."

"I know you are having an affair. Who is she?!?"

"What?!?! Have you lost your mind?"

"C'mon Jason, I know the signs."

"Of course, you do. You've been exhibiting them past few weeks."

"JASON!Stop it!"

"You think I don't know about your affair with Mark? Sad."

"You have no right to say that."

"Really? Oh, I thought it was any husband's right."

"A husband who has no time for his wife. What else do you expect?"

"I expect you to divorce me.I can't live with a woman who slept with my boss."

"Fair enough. So how long you been having the affair?"

"Long before we got married."

"And you've lied to me all these while. Why?"

"There were certain complications."

"Who is she? Do I know her?"

"Yeah. You guys met at the wedding."

"Who is she?? Tell me."

"Its not she. Its a he. Sam, the bestman at our wedding."

Cathy faints.

A woman should...

"be a feminist during her college days,

be career minded and care oriented,

play the game of hide and seek with her suitor,

dare to stay happily unmarried all her life,

love being a woman,

buy flowers for herself,

feel the wind on her face,

go camping,trekking,

be shy, be bold,

trust men occasionally,

give the second chance to everyone,

be a romantic,

get emotionally hyped over nothing and cool down suddenly,

go on a diet, yet, eat chocolates and ice-creams,

get high and stay high on life, love her man and her reflection,

learn to love herself,

kiss herself good night in the mirror,

get wild, tame her tears,

break rules- lead the dances,

drive her man's car,

run his bank account,

manage his business, wear his clothes,

yet know that he's a man and she's the woman,

get flattered,

wear latest fashion and wear fine diamonds,

for no special reason,

lay down principles in her life,

go out for window shopping all alone,

know the way to her man's heart,

never forget the little girl within."

Destination:DEATH

"Hey kid, whats your name?"

"Amanda. Whats yours?"

"George. How old are you? And where are your folks? Kids shouldn't be moving around alone in this  ward."

"Nice to meet you,George. I am eight. How old are you?"

"75. Kid, your parents?"

"I don't have any. I am from Good Shepherd Orphanage. You see that fat nun over the reception? She is Sister Cecilia. I came with her."

"Is she sick?"

"No. I am.Doctor said its terminal. Whats terminal?"

"It means, there is no turning back. Like me."

"Turning back from where?"

"Death kid. Death."

"But you are old. And I am only eight. Why should I die?"

"I dunno kid. Its fate."

"But I don't want to die, George. I still have to be picked up by some family. Like, you know, my friend Clarissa, went across the river to stay with her new parents. She even has a dog now. I miss her though.

Sister Maria says, if I say my prayers daily and do the chores, I too will go to some good family."

"Really? Did Sister Maria say why you weren't picked up till now?"

"She said I am a bit sick. And the families don't want sick kids.But if I take my medicine and say 100 Hail Marys daily, some family will take me too."

"Why do you want a family so badly? Listen kid, you will do good on your own. Family is not worth 100 Hail Marys ."

"Because everybody has one.I too want one who will take me to park like Toby's does. Or buy me a doll house like Bess's. Don't you have one??"

"Yeah, I do. A son and a daughter. But they are busy with their work and their own families.Nobody has time for a bitter old man."

"Do they hate you because you have the disease?"

"Maybe. Or maybe, they are glad that I am dying..finally. After all, I am just an unwanted baggage."

"George, did my mother leave me beacuse I am an unwanted baggage too?"

"I dunno kid. But you are a good kid. Not unwanted."

"George, are you scared of dying?"

"Yes kid, I am. Terrified."

"I am scared too. Can I hug you?"

"Sure kid."

"George, can I die with you? I was always alone. I don't want to die alone."

"Kid, I ...."

"Promise me, George."

"I promise I will not leave without you."

"If I should die,

And you should live,

And time should gurgle on,

And morn should beam,

And noon should burn,

As it has usual done;

If birds should build as early,

And bees as bustling go, --

One might depart at option

From enterprise below!

'T is sweet to know that stocks will stand

When we with daisies lie,

That commerce will continue,

And trades as briskly fly.

It makes the parting tranquil

And keeps the soul serene,

That gentlemen so sprightly

Conduct the pleasing scene!"

~ Emily Dickinson

Whats in a name?

Every picture tells a story, says a friend. This is my first attempt to include one for this picture.

"Shit! Christ!All I need now is a coffee stain."

"A wet napkin can do the trick. Here, let me help you."

"Excuse me? Does it look like I need your help?" Wow Ryan, you are super clumsy. Even  a stranger can tell.

"Well, I can't say much about your look. But you better remove the stain quickly.Or else it will cling to your shirt like a whiny wife."

"Haha. Very funny.Go ahead and laugh. After all, The joke's on me!" 

"zzissss..! You are hotter than your coffee!"

"What?! Are you flirting with me?"

"Totally.Are you my Prince Charming? Your table manners bowled me over."

"We are not even sharing a table. Listen lady, why don't you let me enjoy my 30-min break in silence?"

"Sure. Sip in silence. While I enjoy my shake. Slluurrppp...!"

Aarrggh! "Why are you doing this?What you want?"

"To remove that stain of yours. And maybe...talk a little, share a few laughs, what say?"

"Sorry, I am not into small talks with strangers. And thanks for the unwanted advice."

"So, you work near-by?"

"Still talking! What did I tell you about my no-talk policy?"

"Didn't hear that. I am a bit deaf on the left."

"Brilliant! Err..ok I am sorry about that. But, look at me? I really don't want to talk to you."

"Can't do that either. I am blind too. "

"What?? Then, how did you know I spilled my coffee?"

"Hehe..You swore out loud."

"Hmmm... You are too beautiful to be blind."

"Thats what everybody says. Life's a bitch, isn't it?"

"Tell me about it."

"So, your wife left you,huh?"

"What? How did you know?!"

"You didn't take the whiny wife joke well..simple!"

"Ya, she left me. But its not that simple. Anyways, you sit in this cafe everyday to talk to strangers?"

"Oh, I love the cafe no doubt. I specially love to sit here and feel the afternoon sun in my face. Also, Marco makes the best shake in this part of the town. Yeah, I occasionally talk to people here. After all, the voices are my only connection to the world."

"So, why me? I wasn't even polite to you."

"You sounded troubled. Like, you need someone to talk to."

"No, I don't."

"There you go again. Getting all defensive. Relax. Enjoy your coffee and the afternoon."

"So, how did you lose your sight?"

"Well, it so happened that I was on a road trip with my friends to........................."

And so, 30 mins led to five hours and after three rounds of coffee down.

"Oh, its almost evening. I can smell it.Listen, I have to go now.I have a bus to catch. And you have your boss to report your absence."

"That can wait. I doubt they even noticed that I was missing."

"Wow. No wonder you are so popular."

"So, I guess you can wait."

"No, can't do. The bus stop is around the corner. Why don't you walk me to the bus stop?"

"Sure, would love to.So, what bus do you catch?"

"The 5 o'clock one. Its almost time, isn't it?"

"Yeah. 5 mins left. Amazing. How did you know?"

"Creature of habit...simple!"

"For you, everything seems to be simple, isn't it?"

"Not exactly. Anyways, thanks for walking me till here. Is that my bus coming?"

"Yes. It was really nice talking to you. By the way, I am Ryan. And, you are?"

"I knew you wanted to talk to someone. I am glad it was me. And I enjoyed this afternoon as much as you did. 1520 Harrington, please. Thanks!"

"So, we meet tomorrow again??"

"Lets see."

"Atleast tell me your name!"

"Whats in a name, Ryan?!?" She smiles. The door closes and the bus leaves.

My most memorable affairs...so far!

4 years in Vellore, and the only places I loved here(read, no other options) are the eating joints. Of course, we also have a fort housing a temple, a mosque and a church inside it, none of which interests me anyway. I even heard that people go for boating in the mosquito-algae infested moat surrounding the fort, a ho-hum affair which strangely, people find romantic in the Vellore heat. Yes, the heat is so terrible that it makes Siberia the best place on earth. Thus, the only good thing about my graduation exile to this uber-boring place are mygastronomical affairs.

China Valley delight:

I love the Chinese invasion in VIT. I really love it. Not only did they flex the University rules, but also brought momos here. Yes, these steamy drops of heaven are well appreciated. Obviously, they can't beat the momos of Momo Ghar in Guwahati.But still,thanks to this really small China Valley resaturant, which my myopic eyes have missed, like, zillion times earlier. And today, I tried the BBQ Chicken there, which was no better than ambrosia for me. The kebab styled chicken was cooked in the perfect Schezwan sauce- spicy and tangy with a hint of honey. It was worth the 45 minutes of waiting in the heat and ducking the thousand makkhis ke attack. Man, I have never seen so many flies at the same time. I guess, they too love chinese.

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KFC ishtyle at Amala's:

Uncle makes the best chicken burger here.He did beat the Colonel on this.The chicken is crispy on outside, tender inside. Oh, and the pasta is equally awesome. Uncle, a 60-something returnee from London, is the cook cum owner of Amala. He amuses us not only with his culinary skills but also his gift of gab. The first thing he asks me and my friends, "Which branch you guys are from? And please don't tell you are from Biotech." He gave us a toothy smile when he knew that we are from Chemical. Apparently he finds the Boitechs very arrogant. He sat and chatted with us all the while. Nice Brit humor to go with the funny little Brit accent of his. Amala's is a different experience all together. In the evening the place turns into a coffee shop. You sit around and read some books, play carrom or simply devour the yummy sandwiches with coffee. A very laid back affair!
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Afghani @ Darling Residency:

The Afghani Chicken is a hot favorite out here. Covered with a thick layer of cheese and served with mint chutney, this is the only cheesy stuff I adore. I also love the grilled fish and the steaks. Best part is the roof-top restaurant, especially in the evening. In a town that gets over in the blink of an eye, Darling Residency surely stands tall(read, big building)
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Quick Bites:

There was not one time that I passed by QB without having the Barbeque roll. Thats the power it has over me. Not to forget the fresh cream cakes, death by chocolate and the caramel cake, an indulgence for my sweet tooth.
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Lalit Bihar:

Being a total carnivore, chicken is my vice. But the only place I don't mind being a vegetarian is Lalit Bihar. Pakka home styled Indian food. From lassi to parantha, this is a total desi-ghee cooked madness. The place is always crammed with people and its so small that sometimes you may get a bit claustrophobic inside. But the food can make you forget the world outside.
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The list is not complete without a special mention of these: SBR chicken biryani, peking noodles and chicken taronest of China Town, chicken winglet of Punjabi Dhaba( but, at your life's risk. Don't be surprised if you backfire after this spicy treat.). But no meal is complete without a king-size dessert. Ladies and gentlemen, I present GellatoPazo. The generous servings of icecream does a total "Yuppie" to your stomach- DBC, Choca-Moca, icecream with fruit salad etc. Oh, almost forgot the hot jalebis served in the evening at Dhaba Express.They simply melt in your mouth. Try it out with Vanilla icecream.Bon Appetite!

The night that was...

Bob and Sharleen entered the house through the patio. The house was dark in the dead silence of the night.

"Bob, the staircase is to the left of the dining hall. We take the first flight and then right. That's where it is."

"How do you know the inside so well?"

"Oh, I worked as a maid here. Until Mrs. Black fired me."

Her creamy complexion looked too royal for a maid. For a moment, Bob was troubled.

"So you doing this all for a silly revenge?"

"Bob, this is no time to discuss. The patrol car passes by in another half an hour. We have to hurry."

"Fine. I got it." Bossy woman. He hates when she is in control. Except, maybe, the bedroom. He grinned.

"And Bob, be careful." She touches his arm.

Damn woman! Concentrate, Bob. Concentrate.

5 minutes later, they reach the staircase. Bob was amazed by the huge chandelier at the centre.

"Here, take the gun. Just incase."

"Sharleeenn! Where didja...?"

"Later Bob. Now take it."

The mahagony door was slightly ajar. Bob went agape when he looked in. The master bedroom was an image in white marble and mirrors.

"Stop drooling, you idiot!" She angrily hissed.

"Hey its my first big fish, dontcha get it?"

Inside, a body was under the covers of the kingsize bed. 

"Hey, you said the Blacks were on a holiday. What is he doing here?And where is she?"

"Looks like change of plan. You go over the bed and keep an eye on James. I will work on the safe."

"You call him by name?"

"Ya, we slept few times. That's when she found out and fired me."

"And so you stealing the Heart of Gold? A revenge?"Damn women and their vendetta!

"Ya, sorta." Damn kid, you ask too much.

Sleek as a leopard, she moves towards walk-in closet. Just few more minutes to waste, before the game is over. Honey, you so gonna pay. She couldn't help, but grin in the dark.

Bob moved nervously over the bed. The man in bed seemed to be in troubled sleep. No wonder, the rich never sleeps in peace. Suddenly, his eyes hovered over the huge picture above the bed. A wedding photo. The dark haired bride looked familiar. She looked like..like.. He let out a small cry!

"Sharon honey, is that you?" Suddenly the body in bed was awake.

Bang!Bang!Bang! Three shots through the head, and James Black was dead. Bob didn't realise that he pulled the trigger. Before he could react, something hit him on his knees. He sprawled into the floor.

"Thank you, Bob. It was sooner than expected." 

Against the moonlight, she looked like an angel. My death angel. 

"Let me introduce myself. I am Sharon Black. And you've just killed my husband. Congratulations." And she laughed like a maniac.

This is a mad woman. Not my Sharleen. "Why me?"

"You were just my pawn, kid. And you just opened the doors to the Black empire, for me. Now that you know the secret. I have to kill you."

"But I love you."

"Too bad. I never loved you anyway. Goodbye lover!"

Early morning, a week later. She goes over the newspaper until one item caught her eyes. 

"...It was just a week ago that Mr. James Black was murdered at his home by an amateur thief. And even under such trauma, Mrs. Sharon Black successfully holds the fort as the new CEO of the Black Corporation. Friends and family is still mourning over the loss with the Black widow."

Yes, I am the Black widow.

My new Blog skin

I have this annoying habit of changing my blog template. Its nothing but the outcome of my constant need for change of surroundings. No guess needed, I am a restless soul! Anyways, I love my new blog skin. It a typical Piet Mondrian template. There is something about his work that always fascinated me.

Those of you don't know, Piet Mondrian was a dutch painter. It was, he who introduced Neo-Plasticism, the non-representational form of art. Also known as De Stijl, the famous Dutch artistic movement in 1912. This art consisted only of vertical and horizontal black lines and the use of the three primary colors-red, blue and yellow.

This genre of art expresses the spiritual harmony and order. The Guggenheim Museum's online article on De Stijl summarizes these traits in similar terms: "It [De Stijl] was posited on the fundamental principle of the geometry of the straight line, the square, and the rectangle, combined with a strong asymmetricality; the predominant use of pure primary colors with black and white; and the relationship between positive and negative elements in an arrangement of non-objective forms and lines."

A very peculiar form of art, for those interest can click here.

 

Will I ever see this again?

Today morning I woke up suddenly at 5. The sight I saw through the two huge windows on the opposite wall, was so outta nature's canvas. Early morning light through the clouds. The hills afar had a bluish tinge with the sky in the horizon adorned a pink glaze. The greens below were greener than usual. For  a moment I felt as if I was dreaming. Such a pristine sight. I feared moving just incase it was a dream. Like holding on the beautiful moments to last a lifetime. Such moments hardly come by or simply gets unnoticed in d humdrum routine of life. And I simply stared, quenching my thirst like on a hot day. Didn't realise when I drifted off to sleep. And I still wonder-Was this a dream? Or just my luck with reality?

Calling out to the universe...

The moment I saw The Secret, I seriously didn't believe a word. It sounded too good to be true. I mean you ask the universe, and it gives you your heart's desires. Then I thought a little more. Scarily funny, it happened with me. 6 years ago, I was a dosa-idli loving kid. 'coz I could eat those delicacies at restaurant. Then I made a terrible wish. Since then I am stuck in a place where I get to eat them daily. Daily to the point of making me pukesville. My once "love" has now turned to bad case of taste allergy. So much for a wishful wish! 

Shit! I am talking about food again! I guess I fancy food like a fat tub of lard. 

..What the hell was I thinking? I have gone righty tighty!lefty! loosey! for quite sometime. Spluttered my blog with wasted thoughts. Shit I have gone soft!So I am bracing myself up for the 'comeback' from hell. BitchynessUnlimited.com Thanks Kshitij for passing on the torch. The marathon has just begun.

Side effects of Loveria

I don't understand why the couples break-up so frequently. I mean if they have zero tolerance level, why even commit in the first place. Kindly refer to The Revolutionary Road if you are so duh-huh at this.But recently I got a completely new perspective on this whole issue.

One newly single guy said that he broke-up 'coz he kindda got bored.Apparently the girl loved him way too much. I was totally 'WTF!!' when I heard it. But behind the wtfness I found the truth. Being regular at male bashing, I have always blamed the guys who broke my friends' hearts. Now when I recall those situations, I see something else. The fault lies with the girls too.These fluffy-little-walking-hearts loves and cares too much. So the moment they became dedicated-ly "available", their guys whole hearted-ly got bored. Call me cynical morbid bitch, but fellas thats the truth. And my dear girlies, better accept it sooner, before someone else does trapeze with your heart again. Taking things for granted is a selfish human nature embedded in our genes. And this seems to be more prominent with organisms having high testosterone levels. 

My heartbroken friends have often recounted their "burning paradise" stories. But somehow they fail to see the cause and the symptoms of the imminent fallout. You see, when this Ishq-Visk happens, the stakes get really high in terms of expectations."I expect you to do this and that,sacrifice this and that, in return for my selfless love". (Well, I am expecting many war-cries at this juncture to prove me wrong with the sanctimony of "Love demands Nothing".) Unfortunately, its the girl who usually initiates this blunder. This is shortly followed by the even deadlier "Commit to me" phase. No doubt the guy chokes in love.I don't blame him. I just blame the girl for being a total angel in loving an A**hole in the guise of a man! 

Now that the guy feels trapped, he goes helter-skelter. Sadly his lady love fails to notice.But like the third umpire, I too saw when love got bowled out. So,for the sake of damage-control, just look out for these tell-tale signs. His love for you is losing its life-blood, if you find that, most of the time, he behaves in the following ways:

1. He no longer makes time to spend with you on a weekly/daily basis.

2. He prefers to go out with his friends than take you out. 

3. He is easily annoyed by things that never bothered him in the past.

4. He finds it difficult to tell you that he loves you.

5. He constantly talks about how fat/boring/nagging you are.

6. He talks you down.

7. He has started being dissatisfied with things you do for him.

8. He suddenly gets very busy so that he will have less time to spend with you.

9. He has stopped doing you any favors.

10. He has told you that perhaps both of you should slow things down a bit.

11. He encourages you to go out and have fun without him.

12. He forgets your birthdays/anniversaries and makes no effort to buy you gifts.

13. He laughs out loud when he talks to his friends or family members, and never laughs out loud with you.

14. He flirts openly with other women in your presence.

15. He has started comparing you to other women in terms of how you should look or behave.

16. He has started lying about where he has been and who he's been with.

(Incase there are more signs, please feel free to add.) 

BTW, these signs are not applicable if you are in love with a guy who is terminally sarcastic, a compulsive liar, or simply brain dead. There is no cure for that itch. Its applicable only for your Mr. NiceGuy-turned-HellBoy. But at the end of the day, its upto you. If you believe that its worth making few changes to save your relationship, go for it! Otherwise, leave the guy immediately, get overdosed on chocolate and say it out loud, "Yeh nahi toh koi aur sahi". I know its easier said than done. But I am no love atheist and I believe that there are few good men still left.